Join the debate. Vote Now on the Dear Abby Poll of the week.

by Abigail Van Buren

Woman Is Dumbfounded When Her Proposal Is Rejected

DEAR ABBY: I am a young woman who proposed to my high school sweetheart after graduating from college. It may seem odd for a woman to do, but I initiated our relationship in high school and then attended an all-women's college. Suffice it to say, he said he wasn't going to be the "one."

I can't understand why he rejected me, and I don't know what to do now. I thought I was making a sound decision choosing my friend because he is an engineer. Could it be that he doesn't regard me as a good enough partner because I have an art degree, or could it be insecurity on his part?

I can't imagine why he doesn't want to marry at this stage in life. We are 23. We were together for four years, and for both of us, this was our longest relationship. Part of me wonders, if I change, will he change his mind? Or does this seem like a hopeless case? -- JANE DOE IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR JANE: If you would like to know his reasons for not accepting your proposal, the person you must ask is him. While you feel ready to make a lifetime commitment, your boyfriend apparently hasn't reached that stage of life.

I know you're disappointed, but life doesn't always go the way we predict it will. (Sometimes it turns out even better!) So please don't try to change yourself to accommodate someone who is emotionally unavailable. You could twist yourself into a pretzel, but it wouldn't work because you aren't the problem. Accept it and move on.

Read more in: Love & Dating