TO MY CHRISTIAN READERS: A happy Easter to all of you!
DEAR ABBY: We have two granddaughters who will be going to college soon. We are in a position to help them with expenses, but we are asking you if we should.
We put our daughter through college, and she has a career in the medical field. Her husband has a part-time, low-paying job and has shown no ambition to find other employment to assist with college expenses for the girls.
He's into electronics, and when he wants a new item, he has our daughter work overtime to buy it for him and she does! He has told our granddaughters they must pay for their own education because that's what he had to do, although he never graduated. (His father told us it isn't true -- that they would have helped.)
We have helped them out financially over the years, which of course enables our son-in-law to not improve himself. We realize that they quite often play us and think we are too ignorant to realize we are being taken advantage of. I believe that further education for their girls is a no-brainer because we want them to be able to support themselves, but where should we draw the line? -- GRANDMA IN TROY, OHIO
DEAR GRANDMA: Stand pat before writing any checks; look at your granddaughters' grades and ask yourselves if they take after your daughter or her husband. If they take after him, they may be more interested in a trade school instead.
Depending upon their ambition and aptitude, they may qualify for scholarships or student aid. They could also get part-time jobs to help pay for books or tuition, which would help them to grow into independent young women.
By now it should be apparent that it's time to draw the line. If you decide to pay for your granddaughters' education, be sure that any money they'll be getting goes to the school.
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 21-year-old female living in Washington, D.C. Today, while on the Metro coming home from work, a group of eight high school kids hopped on, excited about what they had in their backpacks.
After they sat down across the aisle from me, I saw they were pulling handfuls of clothing out of their backpacks and attempting to take the sensors off the clothes. I heard a couple of them exclaim how excited they were about their new clothes, and one of the boys said, "I'm never paying for any clothes ever again."
Now I feel guilty that I didn't report anything to the authorities, or at least tell the boys the consequences of their actions weren't worth the possible repercussions. However, because I was a female traveling alone at sunset, I didn't want to involve myself in a possibly dangerous situation. What would your advice be on how to handle this encounter should it happen again? -- METRO RIDER
DEAR RIDER: You handled the situation correctly. If you are ever again alone in a situation in which you feel unsafe, particularly if you are outnumbered by individuals you think are up to no good, you should get away as quickly and quietly as possible.
P.S. If you have any idea where the clothes may have come from, call the store and the police and tell them what you saw.
COUPLE OVERCOMES OBJECTIONS, CELEBRATES 56TH ANNIVERSARY
DEAR ABBY: I read the letter (Jan. 19) from the young woman who is concerned about dating someone significantly older. In 1958, when I was 17, I met a man who was 34. He was handsome, easygoing, quiet, and I fell in love. He was a widower with two children -- a 13-year-old girl and a 9-year-old boy. They lived with his mother.
His mom was not at all happy about our relationship, nor were his sisters, my parents and his kids. We wanted to get married, but my parents refused to sign. I felt like the whole world was against us. But I loved him dearly.
In March 1959, I turned 18. We were married on April 4 against everyone's wishes. We had four more children. My dad did not set foot in my home until my first child was born.
My mother-in-law finally told me she loved me and knew I was good for her son on our 10th anniversary. All our children are close, and his two call me Mom. His daughter was a great help with our babies and cried when she got married and left home.
We have had our ups and downs, but we have also had 56 wonderful years of marriage. Age really is just a number! -- JANET IN INDIANA
DEAR JANET: In many cases that's true. In others, couples with such a large disparity in age have been known to grow apart instead of on a parallel path. Because you and your husband's relationship turned out to be a soul match, you are not only lucky to have found each other, but also blessed to have enjoyed such a long marriage. My congratulations to you both as you celebrate your 56th anniversary today!
Boy's Online Viewing Habits Don't Pass Muster At Friends' House
DEAR ABBY: I recently walked in on one of my boys' 12-year-old friends watching YouTube videos that were extremely foul-mouthed and even raunchy (he had separated himself from the other boys while viewing them). His parents are under the misconception that they have control of his online activities.
When I was young, my friends' parents would reprimand me when necessary, but parents these days reject outside advice or input. What's the proper response to this? Talk directly to the boy? Turn him in to his parents? -- BURNING EARS IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR BURNING: Have a talk with the boy. Explain that the language in the video is not permitted in your home, and you prefer he not watch it while he is there. If he agrees, do not take it any further. However, if it happens again, talk to his parents, and limit the time your sons spend with him.
Husbands: If The Shoe Fits, Tell Your Wife You Like It
DEAR ABBY: I sold women's shoes for 35 years.
Men, when a lady asks if you like the shoe she's wearing, she doesn't care if you like the shoe! She wants to know whether it looks good on her, makes her ankles look fat, etc. It's like if a man buys new floor mats for his car or truck. He buys them to make his vehicle look better, not just to have floor mats.
Wise up and think. If you do, shopping with your lady will make more sense! -- DAVID IN PHOENIX
DEAR DAVID: I love your analogy. Of course, you are correct -- and it applies to more apparel than shoes. One caveat: Men, when you're asked, be diplomatic or you may find yourselves in serious trouble.
HUNGRY THERAPIST SHOULD PLAN AHEAD FOR LATE-MORNING SNACK
DEAR ABBY: We have a daughter with severe developmental disabilities. Thankfully, she receives 40-plus hours of in-home therapy a week, which is covered by insurance.
Her first therapist arrives at 7:30 a.m. and leaves at 11:30 a.m. Some days, she will pick up something to eat on the way. Most days, I suspect she hasn't eaten breakfast.
About once a week she'll call out for me, asking for a snack -- usually a breakfast sandwich -- which I make for her. Last week, she asked for some chocolate-covered nuts I had offered her once. I told her we had eaten them. I finally put out a bowl of old hard candy to stop her from asking. She has been eating it for a while now and joking that I'm making her gain weight.
Must I continue providing her snacks or say something about her bringing her own? I am grateful for the work she does for our daughter and hope I'm not sounding petty. -- UNSURE IN KANSAS
DEAR UNSURE: You should not be responsible for feeding your daughter's therapist. Have a talk with the therapist and suggest that if she's "out of fuel" at the end of your daughter's session that she bring some individually wrapped cheese sticks or fruit with her. It would be a lot healthier than what you're giving her and probably better for her.
DEAR ABBY: My 18-year-old son and his fiancee have been kicked out of a few apartments and have asked to live with me. Wanting to help him, I agreed.
When they moved in, I gave them four rules to follow: No drugs in the house, no sex, no coming upstairs after 10 p.m., and the dishes must be done every night or they will pay $400 a month rent.
Well, a week ago I caught them doing drugs, so I called the cops. They were arrested that night. They are now asking to come back. I refuse to allow it because I have an 11-year-old at home with me and another 18-year-old who I want to keep away from this kind of influence.
My son keeps texting me and trying to guilt me into changing my mind because he got his fiancee pregnant. Where I live it gets very cold, but I need to show my other children it's not OK to do drugs.
Am I doing the right thing by not letting them come back, or am I a heartless mother like he says? -- MOM OF TOUGH LOVE
DEAR MOM: Regardless of what your son says, you are not heartless. You took him in with certain conditions. He and his girlfriend abused your trust, and you handled the situation wisely.
If the girl is really pregnant, she should not be using drugs. If she's hooked on something, she needs to get into a rehabilitation program ASAP. If she has parents, perhaps they will take her in. But you have done your part, and if you allow your son and his girlfriend to stay with you, they will continue to break your rules and you'll wind up responsible for them and the baby -- or two or three. I advise against it.
TO MY JEWISH READERS: Sundown marks the first night of Passover. Happy Passover, everyone!