DEAR ABBY: I'm a 29-year-old woman and I have been with my fiance, "Gary," for three years. We became engaged six months ago.
When I brought up wedding ideas recently, Gary responded with, "There are things that have to be resolved before I can even think about getting married." In the discussion that followed, he said I need to get a better-paying job so I can contribute to the renovations on the house, buy my own personal items and have a shorter commute.
I'm hurt because I believe marriage is about committing to the person you love. I also realize you can't live on love alone. Am I overly sensitive about this? Is Gary's request reasonable, or do you think he's just looking for an excuse not to get married? -- LOVE ABOVE ALL IN NEW YORK
DEAR LOVE ABOVE ALL: Pay attention to what your fiance said because it appears he has unilaterally mapped out your future for you. This sounds less like a request to me than a demand. Open your eyes and keep talking with him.
Did he specify whether your name will be on the deed to the house you will contribute to renovating? (I hope so.) I also hope you will be lucky enough to find a higher-paying job with a shorter commute, because not everyone is able to do that.
Because I believe in both love and practicality, I think it's important you and Gary have premarital counseling together to clarify whether you're on the same page regarding finances.