TO MY IRISH READERS: A very happy St. Patrick's Day to you all. -- Love, ABBY
2-1-1 Is Number to Remember to Find Low-Cost Services
DEAR ABBY: We are writing in response to the question you printed (Jan. 13) about where to find affordable counseling. Your suggestions were helpful, but we want to share another one:
2-1-1 is an easy-to-remember telephone number that, where available, connects people to information about critical, free or low-cost health and human services in their community. 2-1-1 reaches about 270 million people (90 percent of the U.S. population), covering all 50 states, the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico and Canada. It is a free, confidential resource.
Similar to dialing 9-1-1 for emergencies, calling 2-1-1 helps people seeking training, employment, food pantries, shelter, assistance for aging parents, addiction prevention programs for teens, affordable housing options and support groups. It provides a one-stop service for community referrals.
Abby, won't you share this information with your readers? Everyone knows someone who needs help. 2-1-1 is there for them. -- STAFF OF 2-1-1, ORANGE COUNTY, CALIF.
DEAR STAFF: I'm pleased to pass along this important resource, which serves such a large portion of the population. Thank you for taking the time to offer it to my readers.
Woman Debates Fessing Up To Fiance About Her Pregnancy
DEAR ABBY: I am 28 and engaged to marry a wonderful man, "Ryan." Before I met him, I was involved in an affair with my married boss and was deeply in love with him. (I still am.) We continued our affair even after I met Ryan, and now I think I'm pregnant. I told my boss and, naturally, he's not happy about it.
I don't know how to tell Ryan or if I even want to. I have always wanted to be a mother, and now I have the chance. But I may end up doing it alone in poor financial shape. I also won't have a home to live in once my old-fashioned mother finds out I've gotten myself pregnant before marriage. Any advice? -- SCARED STUPID IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR SCARED STUPID: Yes. Take a pregnancy test to determine if you really are pregnant. If it turns out that you are, then you must tell your fiance everything. Even if Ryan walks away, the baby's father will be legally responsible for child support.
It is important that you also tell your mother what's going on. She may not be thrilled to hear the news, but I doubt she will put you and her grandchild-to-be out on the street. A generation or two ago that might have happened, but no longer.
DEAR ABBY: I know if a girl breaks off the engagement, she's supposed to return the ring to her ex-fiance. Does the situation of a wife filing for divorce fall under the same set of rules? I need a response soon. -- CRAIG IN HOUSTON
DEAR CRAIG: No. If the rings were given with the promise of marriage and the promise was fulfilled, she is not expected to return them.
Ridicule of Mother-in-Law Is Not a Laughing Matter
DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Barb," and I have been married for 21 years, and like any married couple, we've had our ups and downs. We recently visited my mom, a widow in her 80s. Barb caught a cold while we were there and needed to stay in bed while Mom and I visited family.
I noticed Mom was letting the cleanliness of her bathroom go, but Barb and I never discussed it. When we got home, our good neighbor friends told me that Barb had texted them a photo of Mom's bathroom while we were away. I was shocked and embarrassed. I feel like my wife was talking about me and my family behind my back. Barb insisted she was just poking fun at the situation. If that was the case, I should have been involved in the "fun."
This isn't the first time something like this has happened. I feel like my trust and friendship have been violated. Am I overreacting? -- LEFT OUT IN INDIANA
DEAR LEFT OUT: Because this isn't the first time your wife has done something like this, and I presume you have let her know how you felt about it, I don't think you're overreacting.
Talk to your mother to see if there's a reason she's unable to keep up with her housework. She may need to be evaluated by her doctor to make sure she's OK. If something is wrong with her, it is not the least bit "funny." In fact, for your wife to subject your mother to ridicule is hostile. It's time to find out what's at the root of your wife's antics.
Online Game Obsession Eats Up Most Of Man's Waking Hours
DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my 30-year-old boyfriend, "Jonah," for a year. He seems to be obsessively addicted to a computer video game he has played for five years. He plays many hours a day -- first thing in the morning, last thing at night and all his free time in between -- although he willingly goes on outings with me when I ask.
Even when Jonah isn't on his computer playing the game, he reads the discussion forums online with his mobile device. It's affecting our relationship. It also doesn't help that he recently lost his job.
I don't like seeing him waste his time on this and his lack of ambition about the important things in life. What can I do to help Jonah, or is this normal? -- GAME OVER IN THE NORTHWEST
DEAR GAME OVER: When a hobby interferes with relationships, it is not "normal." Exactly when did Jonah become "obsessively addicted"? Was he this way when you met him? If this has been going on for the entire year you have been together, your boyfriend may be more comfortable in the cyber world than in this one. However, if this escalated when he lost his job, the video game may be his attempt to cope with depression.
Jonah would be better served by devoting the attention he's lavishing on the game to finding a job. If you want to help him, suggest that he spend more of his time in the real world until his life is settled again -- and tell him that if he's depressed, he should talk about it to his doctor.
Tall Teenager Is Reluctant to Stand Over Classmates
DEAR ABBY: My 13-year-old granddaughter is 5 feet 9 inches tall. She walks hunched over, and when she stands with a group, she keeps her legs 2 feet apart. She's on a softball team and is always sitting on the ground in the dugout.
She is the tallest one in the seventh grade in her school. Some of her classmates call her the "giant." I've been with her when someone approaches her who hasn't seen her in a while and says, "Wow! You've grown really tall."
She hates school and has no friends. She also happens to be very pretty. She's taller than anyone in the family. What can we do for her? -- GRANDPA IN INDIANA
DEAR GRANDPA: Being perceived as different at your granddaughter's age can be very painful. The best thing you can do for her right now is to be supportive.
Keep telling her that being tall is not only nothing to be ashamed of, but it can be an asset. Encourage her to find activities she is interested in. In addition to softball, she might excel at basketball or volleyball. Remind her that fashion models are tall women, many of whom were teased about their height when they were her age.
Tall women of note: Taylor Swift, Gisele Bundchen, Nicole Kidman, Venus and Serena Williams, Brooke Shields, Geena Davis and Michelle Obama come immediately to mind. First daughter Malia Obama was 5 feet 9 at 13, like your granddaughter. None of them is ashamed of their height; they "own" who they are and carry themselves with pride. Research modeling schools in your area because enrolling your granddaughter in some of the classes may help her to feel less awkward about her height.
Hardworking Nurse Sets Income Requirement For Suitors
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 33-year-old single woman, a nurse who paid for my own education and am still trying to further it. I work a lot, have a nice car and I am remodeling my house. I make good money, but I have to take certain training, keep my licenses current, etc. I'm serious about my career, and I'm proud of myself.
I was talking to a friend the other day about dating, and I said I wouldn't date someone who made half or less than what I do. I was used as a cash cow in previous relationships and I'm not putting up with it anymore. This makes dating difficult at times, but I'm sticking to my guns. She said it makes me a snob because not everyone earns what I do.
Abby, I'm not a snob by any means. I'm generous toward my loved ones. But I feel that in this day and age, people can always better themselves like I have, and I don't want another man thinking I will support him. It's not fair to me. Any advice? -- LOOKING FOR MY EQUAL
DEAR LOOKING: Your friend was correct when she said not everyone has the earning capacity that you do. But you are right in your conviction that people can better themselves if they are determined to do it.
Considering your personal history, I don't think you're a snob for feeling the way you do. That said, however, I would hate to think you might exclude a great guy who earns less, because he could be helpful in other ways and have qualities the others don't.