DEAR ABBY: Isn't the rule of etiquette that when a gift is given, it belongs to the recipient? My mother sends gifts to our infant daughter. She is the first grandbaby, and my mother is a doting grandparent. My question is what should happen when my child outgrows the items -- clothing, shoes, toys, etc. My mother expects me to put them all in a storage bin and return them to her.
There have been times when I have packed up things to give to friends who have younger daughters than ours, or taken them to a resale shop. My mother then becomes upset that I'm not returning the items to her. She is saving them for my sister, who isn't even pregnant yet.
While I have no issue with saving some things for a potential niece, my friends need these things NOW, and I feel strange essentially being obligated to return them. Is my mom out of line? It's off-putting to receive a gift that comes with a return clause. -- CONFUSED IN CENTRAL TEXAS
DEAR CONFUSED: It appears your mother is not only a doting grandma, but also someone who is determined to get a double bang for her buck. Once given, a gift DOES belong to the recipient. Otherwise, it's not a gift but a loan.
And yes, however well-intentioned your mother may be, she is out of line to demand that everything she has given be returned to her. (I mean, what will she do if your sister has only boys?)