DEAR ABBY: I met "Gil" a year ago. He was one of the nicest men I'd ever met. At the time, I didn't realize he was a mama's boy. But after we started to talk, I noticed he would repeat everything to his mother. We discussed it and it stopped, but that's when his mom started treating me differently. I'm pretty sure he told her what I had said.
Gil loves my cooking and has told me I cook like she does. I don't know if that's so good. I really like him, but I don't know if I can handle his being such a mama's boy. If he could cut the apron strings, we could have a great relationship. He treats me like a queen. He respects me, never says an unkind word and compliments me often. But if I plan a meal for him and then his mom decides she wants him at her house, he cancels on me because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings.
Gil is 51 and hasn't been in a serious relationship in several years. I'm falling in love with him and don't want to lose him. What do I do, and how do I handle this? -- COMING IN SECOND IN MISSOURI
DEAR COMING IN SECOND: Your mistake is trying to compete with Gil's mother because you can't win. The woman who snags Gil will have to accept that they are a package deal. Not many women these days are willing to accept that, which may be why Gil hasn't had a serious relationship in years.
However, if you are the exception, the way to handle this would be to cultivate (and ingratiate yourself with) his mother. Find out what her favorite flowers are and send them with a sweet note, invite her to join you and Gil for dinner and movies -- and if she offers suggestions about your cooking, accept them gracefully. I wish you luck.