DEAR ABBY: I have a daughter who is now 40 years old. Until she was 17, I didn't know she existed. She lives in another state, but we talk often. I consider us close.
Abby, I have been diagnosed with cancer and may not have much time left. I'm only 56. I was 16 when I was involved with her mother, homeless at the time and very naive. My problem is, although I have wracked my brain over the years I cannot remember actually having sex with her mother.
Nevertheless, I love this person very much and it would break my heart (and hers) if she wasn't mine. Should I tell her in case she might want to track down who her father is, if it's not me? I don't know how I'd approach her for a DNA test. -- URGENT DAD IN THE USA
DEAR URGENT: I'm so sorry to hear your prognosis. A gentle way to discuss this would be to explain that you have been diagnosed with cancer and may not have long to live. Tell her you love her, that in your heart she will always be your daughter, but that you are not 100 percent sure it is biologically true. Explain that you are saying it not to hurt or reject her, but only so that if she is not your child she may be able to locate the person who is, and she won't be fatherless when you are gone.