DEAR ABBY: My sister is difficult, and our relationship has been extremely rocky over the years. She insists upon doling out unsolicited advice and asking pointed personal questions about my finances, health, sex life, etc. I have told her more than once that these things are none of her business unless I choose to discuss them. Her response is she's "only trying to help."
Our mother died six months ago and my sister is again making overtures. I'm hesitant about speaking with her again because she's so volatile. I'll do it only if she respects my boundaries.
I am searching for the right words to tell her a relationship will work only if both parties respect each other, and that trust has to be earned. I'd appreciate any suggestions. -- GUARDED SIBLING IN FLORIDA
DEAR GUARDED SIBLING: Please accept my condolences for the loss of your mother. I am unclear as to why you would want to accept the overtures from someone with whom you have such a difficult relationship. However, because you feel that it would be possible under your terms, my advice is to write her a letter and tell her you will be willing to try only under the circumstances you described to me. To do so would not be rude, and it will be interesting to see if she is able to comply.