DEAR ABBY: What are the ethics in outing a cheater? Someone I know has been cheated on by her boyfriend for two years -- about as long as she has been with him. I know this because the woman he has been cheating with is someone I know.
Last week, I told the girl her boyfriend has been cheating. Now I am suddenly a pariah and outcast. I felt she had the right to know, but was I wrong? Should I not have told her? -- ANNOYED IN CHICAGO
DEAR ANNOYED: In this age of social diseases, I don't think it's wrong to tell someone that a boyfriend/girlfriend is cheating so he or she can be tested. However, as you have discovered, doing it is risky.
There's a saying, "Don't shoot the messenger," that's been around forever. It implies that a person who delivers unwelcome news will be blamed for it. While you and I would want to be told that we were being betrayed, obviously, your former friend didn't, which is why you're being punished.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I live in a duplex. We manage it, live in the lower unit and have three tenants upstairs.
One of them, whose bedroom is directly above ours, recently got a girlfriend. Aside from some loud video game- playing, he was always the quietest guy and has never been disruptive. But since he and this girl got together, they have been disturbing the entire house with their noisy lovemaking. It starts with a few bangs against the wall that become constant, and then the screams start.
I have no idea how to approach this respectfully and professionally. Please give me your thoughts. -- BOTHERED IN BOZEMAN, MONT.
DEAR BOTHERED: Write the tenant a short letter explaining that there is now a noise problem that didn't exist before. Explain that the screams of ecstasy have awakened you and your boyfriend more than once, and ask him to "lower the volume." If an accommodation can't be reached, the lovebirds might want to consider moving to a place of their own.
DEAR ABBY: I have been frugal all my life. I have managed to accumulate a cushion should I become ill or need money for emergencies.
My oldest daughter is the exact opposite. She makes stupid financial decisions and has lost thousands of dollars. She recently called, begging me to get her out of a financial jam she has gotten herself into. I refused because the amount she needs would cost me almost all of my savings.
Now my other children have stopped speaking to me. They say I should give her the money. What are your thoughts on this? -- PRUDENT MOM IN FLORIDA
DEAR PRUDENT MOM: My thoughts are the same as yours. If your other children are determined that their sister should be bailed out, then they should pool their money and give it to her. But for you to give her your life savings with no guarantee that it will be repaid would be a bad financial decision on your part. I hope you won't allow yourself to be blackmailed into what could literally be sacrificing your future.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)