DEAR READERS: A thought for the day: The best exercise in the world is to bend down and help someone up.
Reader Reports Happy Ending to Engagement Ring Dilemma
DEAR ABBY: On July 26, 2011, you posted an answer to "Jittery Future Bride in Boston." I am that woman. I had asked you how to get my boyfriend of five years to use my deceased grandmother's ring as an engagement ring.
I followed your advice and told my boyfriend-at-the-time that I wanted to use a family ring. I spoke with my father about it and checked with my sister to see if she would mind if I used it.
We got engaged seven months ago, and my now-husband told me he had been hoping to take the stone from my paternal grandmother's ring, a stone from my maternal grandmother's ring and one from his family to make a new "joining of the families" ring. We haven't made it yet, but we all look forward to the special meaning that it will embody. We even plan to make a new setting out of the old setting. It's a fairy-tale ending. -- BLUSHING BRIDE IN BOSTON
DEAR BLUSHING BRIDE: Actually, it's more like a fairy-tale beginning. I love the idea. Thank you for letting me know how things turned out. Not many of my readers take the time to do that. I wish you and your husband a lifetime of happiness together.
Expectant Mom Is Haunted By Death Of Friend's Mother
DEAR ABBY: The mother of a friend of mine died recently. I offered my condolences, and since then I haven't been the same.
I am nine months pregnant, and even though I should be excited and celebrating the anticipated arrival of our baby, all I can think about is that my mother is going to die one day. She's 52, healthy and happy, but I can't get it out of my mind. I have become a different person, crying at the most trivial things and often panicking that Mom's OK. I don't think I could make it through if anything happened to her.
Dwelling on this is affecting my relationship with my husband and my friends. How do I stop obsessing over this? -- ANXIOUS IN ALBUQUERQUE
DEAR ANXIOUS: A discussion with your OB/GYN would be helpful. By the last months of pregnancy, a woman's body is swimming in hormones. Those increased hormone levels have been known to have a profound effect on a woman's emotions.
The solution to your problem may be as simple as understanding that once your baby arrives and your hormones return to normal, you will be back on a more even keel. If that doesn't happen, you may have to talk with a mental health professional -- although I doubt that will be necessary. In the meantime, your mother is healthy, happy and about to be a grandmother, so dwell on the positive.
Booklet Helps Nervous Parents Talk to Their Kids About Sex
DEAR ABBY: Help! My daughter just turned 13, and I need to discuss the facts of life with her. I don't know where to start.
My mom told me absolutely nothing, and I know my daughter needs to be educated in a simple but very understandable way -- especially in these times. Do you still have your booklet that gives teens answers to questions on sex? I need ideas on how to approach this. -- NERVOUS MOM IN ILLINOIS
DEAR NERVOUS MOM: Because many parents find the subject of sex embarrassing, they postpone discussing it with their children. When "the talk" finally happens, it is often too late. Their child's head is filled with information received from contemporaries, and often what they've heard is inaccurate.
Today, children are maturing years earlier than they did a generation ago. It's not unusual to hear about teens engaging in adult activities at much younger ages than teens of earlier generations. That is why it's so important for parents (and guardians) to begin discussions about alcohol, drugs and family values well before their children start experimenting. My booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know," was written to help parents break the ice and get the conversation going. It can be ordered by sending your name and address plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. You should review it before starting the discussion so you can prepare beforehand to answer questions or guide the conversation. My booklet provides answers to frequently asked questions, such as: How old must a girl be before she can get pregnant? Can she get pregnant the first time she has sex? What time of the month is a girl 100 percent safe? How old must a boy be before he can father a child?
Another important topic is how to avoid date rape and what to do if it happens. Included is information on contraception and sexually transmitted diseases (and how to recognize them). My booklet has been distributed in doctors' offices and used to promote discussion by educators and religious leaders, as well as parents like you who find it difficult to discuss these topics with their children.
DEAR ABBY: I recently started a summer job in the fitting room of a clothing store. Customers often ask me what I think about their outfits, and the most common question is, "Does this make me look fat?" How do I answer if the outfit does make the woman look fat? These women want honesty, but how do I avoid sounding rude? -- CONFLICTED IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR CONFLICTED: Try this: "The color is great on you. Let's get it in another size and it'll be perfect. Sometimes garments have been mismarked." (It's true.)
Son Who Idolizes Dad Must Eventually Be Told His Crime
DEAR ABBY: I am a mother of four. My oldest son, "Jeff," is from a previous marriage. My ex was convicted of child molestation, involving his daughter from a previous relationship.
Jeff is now 11. He has had very few unsupervised visitations with his dad over the last few years and is always talking about how great a guy he is. I have tried to explain that his father has done "inappropriate things" that got him in trouble with the law, which is why he can't have contact with his sister.
Instead of trusting my judgment for having moved several states away, Jeff always tells me about how he wants to go live with his dad when he's 18. Being "Big Bad Mama" is no fun. The once-a-year gifts from his father trump any nice things my husband or I provide for Jeff. How can I explain to my son that I am only looking out for his best interests, and that he will never live with his dad? -- BIG BAD MAMA IN GEORGIA
DEAR MAMA: I don't know how mature your son is, but most 11-year-old boys idolize their fathers. Jeff has his father on a pedestal because he sees him only rarely, and has no concept of what the reality of living with him would be.
At some point your son will need to know exactly what his father did that got him into trouble -- without your glossing over it using the vague description of "inappropriate behavior." When that conversation happens, he should already understand the concept of boundaries and what taking advantage of a child really means.
If I were in your position, I would consult a licensed psychotherapist or social worker for input before trying to explain this to Jeff, because the news is going to be shocking. However, if your son still wants to live with his birth father when he's 18, I don't think there is anything you can do to prevent it.
DEAR ABBY: I raised my children to stay with me when we were in a store. They didn't touch things displayed on the shelves because the items were not theirs and we weren't going to purchase them. We didn't have cellphones when my children grew up. However, even now I never remove mine from my purse while I'm in a store.
Is there a nice way to tell other shoppers to put their phones away and pay attention to their children while shopping, and suggest that it might not be safe for their kids to run through the aisles or roll canned goods down them? I am not sure about their children's safety, but I'm positive it isn't safe for me when their children are acting this way. -- MEME IN THE WEST
DEAR MEME: No, I don't think there is. You appear to be part of a generation that had the time (or took the time) to teach these things to their kids.
I agree that children should be taught to respect the property of others and to ask before touching it. I also agree that leaving items in an aisle could be dangerous to shoppers whose attention may be fixed on the store shelves instead of the floor.
But because so many parents today seem to have "forgotten" to convey these important lessons, then caveat emptor -- but in this case, let the shopper beware.