DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in a loving relationship with another woman. My family has been harsh in their remarks to me, saying they would rather I was dead than doing this, or that I should move away if this is the way I am going to live.
I have been married twice. Neither marriage worked out. During my childhood, I was molested by a family member. Since then, I have been scared of men and don't want to be around them. I have had crushes on women in the past, but didn't tell my family because I'm a 30-year-old adult and I felt it was none of their business.
I keep asking myself if my attraction to my lover was a choice, but I don't remember "choosing" this. All I remember is falling for her and not wanting to look back. Should I end this relationship and live alone forever? I never want to be with another man as long as I live. -- ACHING IN AMARILLO
DEAR ACHING: Because your family is so unaccepting of your sexual orientation, it would be interesting to know how they view your molester. Did you tell anyone what happened, and did you receive counseling about it? If the answer is you didn't, then PLEASE consider getting some now to help you deal with any residual issues because you appear to have a few -- like your fear of and aversion to all men.
What your family said was cruel and uncalled-for. It's apparent they know nothing about homosexuality. There is a chapter of PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) about two hours away from your community, located in Lubbock. You can find it online at pflaglubbock.org. It can provide information to help you build bridges of understanding with your family.
Assuming the feelings you have for this woman are reciprocated, the two of you might be happier moving to a community that is more welcoming. Texas is a big, diverse state and Dallas, Houston or Austin might be a better fit for you.
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-old girl who has been told many times that I'm very mature for my age. Unfortunately, I'm TOO mature. What I want most in the world is sex appeal. I long for the perfect sex-crazed boyfriend. What can I do about this craving? -- BEYOND MY YEARS IN KENTUCKY
DEAR BEYOND: The first thing you should do about this "craving" is learn all you can about birth control and self-control, because the "perfect sex-crazed boyfriend" could get you -- and himself -- into a world of trouble. At 13, you should be focused on sports and getting into and out of high school with a diploma.
Whoever told you you are mature for your age must have meant physically, because when a girl's No. 1 desire in the world is sex appeal and a sex-crazed boyfriend, it is not a sign of EMOTIONAL maturity.
DEAR ABBY: Last year I made a beautiful welcome wreath for my friend to hang on her front door. After all this time, it's still sitting in a box in her basement. If she doesn't like it, I would like to ask for it back, so I can use and enjoy it. Abby, can I do this? What could I say? -- LORRIE IN FLORIDA
DEAR LORRIE: It has always been my belief that once a gift has been given, it's inappropriate to ask for it back. However, if you feel comfortable enough with your friend to do so, tell her exactly what you told me: That since she has never used the wreath, you would like to have it for your own front door.
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