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by Abigail Van Buren

Announcing Surrogate's Pregnancy Raising Questions Of Timing

DEAR ABBY: After six years of unsuccessful fertility work, my husband and I were forced to give up. Last summer his sister offered to be a surrogate for us, and we'll use a donor egg since I have none. We have told only a few people.

We're having an embryo transfer next week and thought we'd wait until after the first trimester to "announce." But what is the proper way to do it when it's not actually I who is expecting? And is there etiquette for having a baby shower in this situation?

We're excited and proud of this opportunity, but it takes a lot of explaining for people to understand and not be judgmental. This is the closest we'll ever get to experiencing pregnancy, and I want to enjoy it to the fullest. -- MODERN MOM-TO-BE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR MOM-TO-BE: Congratulations on your pregnancy. Because it takes explaining, I recommend you share the happy news with your family and close friends by telling them in person. That way, you can answer any questions they may have directly. When you want "the world" to know, you may decide to send a mass email or post photos on the Internet.

As to having a baby shower -- because this is a happy event you are celebrating and you will need things for the baby, I'm sure a friend will want to host one for you. Be sure to include your sister-in-law if she would like to attend.

Read more in: Etiquette & Ethics | Family & Parenting