DEAR ABBY: I'm a 47-year-old man who was single until seven years ago. Then I met "Maggie," the most wonderful woman I had ever known. She wasn't the hotsy-totsy one-nighter type I was used to. She was a real woman who fulfilled everything I had ever dreamed of (including bringing a wonderful 4-year-old little girl into my life). The biological father is out of the picture.
Maggie had wrestled with some health issues -- nothing serious until last April, when she had surgery. Complications set in, and I lost the only person who ever mattered, aside from our little girl.
My question is, since we were never married, how do I refer to Maggie when relating what happened? I am in the process of adopting her daughter and explanations to strangers are tough. ("Wow, you're taking on a child when you don't HAVE to?") How do I respond to these remarks? I know this is a multi-part question, but I have so many unanswered questions lately, I figured I'd ask you for an opinion. -- GRIEVING IN MISSOURI
DEAR GRIEVING: Although you and Maggie weren't legally married, you were a couple for some time. I'm very sorry for your loss. It would be accurate to refer to her as your late significant other, your partner or longtime girlfriend.
I would like to compliment you for stepping up to care for the girl when her biological father did not. And I do have suggestions for how to respond to anyone insensitive enough to ask why you would "take on" a child you didn't "have to."
The first would be to ignore the question. The second would be to avoid such a person in the future, and the third would be to reply, "I love her like a daughter, want to make sure she's secure and provided for, and THAT'S why I'm doing it."