What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)
Community Theater Provides Stage for Couple's Love Story
DEAR ABBY: You sometimes print letters from people who are looking to meet decent, honorable and interesting other people. While you have recommended volunteering, joining health clubs, going to church -- and staying out of bars -- something I have yet to see mentioned is a community-based arts organization.
Someone who is musically inclined might look for a local band, orchestra or community chorus. But I'd like to put in a word for community theater. A person doesn't have to be a performer; these groups need people to build sets, make costumes, locate props, run the backstage operations during a performance, etc. In the front of the house, they need people for promotion, selling tickets, ushering and soliciting donations from sponsors.
I met my husband of 30-plus years through a community theater group, and know of several other long-term marriages that came about the same way. I'm a seamstress, so I have made my share of costumes. But I have also learned how to frame a wall and build a staircase while working on set construction.
Even if you don't find that special someone, you will make dozens of new friends and have the satisfaction of accomplishing something at the same time. -- ALWAYS BUSY IN DES MOINES
DEAR ALWAYS BUSY: I love your suggestion. Not everyone is meant to be in front of the footlights, but that doesn't mean one can't be an important member of the team. And community theater is definitely a team effort.
DEAR ABBY: I find my wife's daughter and son-in-law, who live nearby, to be very unlikable. Her daughter is gossipy, arrogant, smug and superficial. The husband is ill-mannered, devoid of social skills, lazy, impossible to carry on a normal conversation with and, worst of all, a liar.
Naturally, I am expected to see them often, and the more I am around them, the less I like them. This has become apparent to my wife. We have had more than a few "spirited discussions" about it, which I view as a real threat to the long-term well-being of our marriage.
I have tried mightily for her sake to overlook their major personality and character flaws, with no success. I don't want another divorce. Please help. -- DESPERATE IN THE MID-ATLANTIC
DEAR DESPERATE: If you love your wife and don't want this marriage ruined, accept that you are going to have to accommodate to some degree her insufferable daughter and son-in-law. This does not mean you must love them or even enjoy their company. It does mean working out a compromise that includes spending some time with them.
You and your wife are not joined at the hip. Every visit doesn't have to include you. Take up some hobbies you can enjoy on your own. Develop a sense of humor where they are concerned. If you do, you won't force your wife to choose between you and her child, because the chances are you would lose.
TEEN HESITATES TO CONFRONT MOM OVER PRESCRIPTION DRUG ABUSE
DEAR ABBY: What are the signs of prescription drug abuse? How would you suggest a young person like me (I am 13) confront a close family member about something like this, especially since I'm not sure?
I found an antidepressant prescribed for my mother. As long as I can remember, she has been a happy and upbeat person, and I have no reason to suspect she's depressed. I'm worried she may be abusing the medication.
I have never felt comfortable asking questions, so it would not be easy for me to ask her. Please help. I now have trouble even speaking to her. Any advice would be appreciated. -- WORRIED TEEN IN BOSTON
DEAR WORRIED TEEN: Perhaps it will lessen your fears to know that antidepressants are sometimes prescribed not only for depression, but also to help people with sleep problems and other conditions. You have reached an age when it is important for teens to be able to talk to their parents about any concerns they may have, and you should talk to your mom about this. Please don't procrastinate.
DEAR ABBY: You once wrote that you were allowed to read anything growing up -- nothing was taboo. We can all use good advice and be prepared when we encounter difficult situations.
I took that to heart and decided my children should read your column with me instead of my lecturing/instructing them about life. So now they take turns reading the questions aloud. We have a group discussion, and we all give our answers to the questions before we read your answers. If all of our answers are different, we have a new discussion.
I love it because of the topics that come up. My children are learning how to reason, and that people from all walks of life (and all ages) have problems and need help. And finally, I love that my children realize that it's OK to ask for help, and they shouldn't worry or feel ashamed to ask in any situation.
Thank you so much, Abby. Your column is a great parenting tool for me and my husband. -- MRS. M. IN SAN DIEGO
DEAR MRS. M.: Thank you for your kind words. My column may be a useful teaching tool, but you and your husband are using it wisely. While not everyone may agree with everything that's printed in my column, the discussions it often generates are helpful for sharing ideas and clarifying family values. This kind of communication brings families closer together.
Fiance Feels Awkward Taking Credit For Heirloom Engagement Ring
DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I recently got engaged, and I was thrilled when he got down on one knee with my great-grandmother's ring. While I love both the ring and the idea that we saved a lot of money we can now put toward our wedding, I can tell he feels awkward when well-wishers congratulate him on having selected such a pretty and expensive ring. What's the best way to respond to these comments and make my fiance feel like he did a great job? -- VINTAGE-LOVING BRIDE
DEAR VLB: It isn't necessary to discuss the history of the ring with everyone who comments. Because you know your fiance is sensitive about it, just smile and say thank you.