DEAR ABBY: My daughter, the mother of six children, has left her husband and is now involved in a three-way with a man and woman. She has not shielded her kids from these "new friends," as she calls them. Because I won't let her "friends" come along, she refuses to visit me.
I love my daughter, but I consider this relationship to be sick, and I hate that she's exposing her children to these people. Am I wrong to tell her to leave her bedroom activity out of the picture and visit me for just a day without them? We were always very close, but no more. -- DISTRESSED MIDWESTERN GRANNY
DEAR DISTRESSED: I'm sure you love your daughter, but sometimes the way we phrase things can get in the way of the message we are trying to convey. Perhaps if you invited her to visit "because you love her and would like to spend some mother-daughter time with her," it would be perceived as less judgmental and more welcoming.
She may be reluctant to spend time alone with you because she knows it will result in a lecture from you about her lifestyle. Remember, she's an adult woman and can make decisions about her sex life for herself. While you and I may think it's unwise for her to expose her children to this triad, that message might be more appropriate coming from their father, rather than her mother.