DEAR ABBY: I am divorced after a 38-year marriage. The divorce was the result of an affair my husband had. Needless to say, it was -- and still is -- very painful. The betrayal almost killed me.
I have been seeing a therapist who has helped me immensely, but I wonder if I will ever fully recover from the hurt. My ex has started a new life with this woman, who is almost 30 years younger than we are, and he acts like, "Oh well, it's over." Even though I have moved on, starting a new life at 60 wasn't easy.
Is it unreasonable to still have lingering pain and anger as a result of the lies and deceit I experienced from a man I loved and trusted? I can't seem to pretend that nothing happened. -- STILL HURTING
DEAR STILL HURTING: I think your feelings are normal. Something did happen to you, and it was cataclysmic. The question is, to what degree are you willing to allow this to rule your life?
You shouldn't pretend that nothing happened, but it's important that when your thoughts drift backward that you make a conscious effort to steer them back to the present. Devote the same energy that you spend nursing hurt and anger to focusing on the future and what makes you happy. Will yourself to stay in the present and keep moving forward.
This takes focus, practice and determination, but it can be done. And continue to maintain a relationship with your therapist, because if you do, it will provide a much-needed "reality check" when you need one.