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DEAR ABBY: I recently found out my daughter has been having an affair with her sister's husband. This will tear our family apart. It will also have a huge impact on my grandchildren.

I have not yet told my wife, who will be devastated, but I'm having trouble carrying this burden alone. I feel they should be held accountable. Should I look the other way, or make them responsible for their actions, knowing the hell it will create? -- STRESSING IN THE USA

DEAR STRESSING: What an unfortunate mess. Please do not assume that you are responsible for any damage that may result from this affair. Because you know about it, it's logical to assume that it's only a matter of time until others find out what has been going on.

That's why you should talk to your daughter. Tell her you know about the affair and will now have to inform her sister, who deserves to know that her marriage is in serious trouble and why. If you do, it may save the marriage.


DEAR ABBY: In the past few months I have gone to different parties for friends from my church group. I always go to the celebrations eager to meet and chat with people I haven't seen in years.

However, one thing bothers me about these get-togethers. Toward the middle of the event, I often get approached by the host who will ask me to assist with a certain task such as setting up the table, clearing or even doing the dishes. No one else is ever asked to help.

I was raised in a family that emphasized good manners and to always be willing to help a friend. But in these situations I feel uncomfortable because I don't want to refuse my host and I was invited as a "guest."

Isn't it rude for a host to ask a guest to help clean? If so, what would be the appropriate response? -- INFRINGED UPON IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR INFRINGED UPON: Whether it's presumptuous to ask depends upon how close the host is to the guest being asked to lend a hand. Some people would consider it a compliment; however, if you're not close, it is presumptuous. And if you prefer not to be recruited, all you have to say is, "I'd rather not."


Prayer Gives Thanks For All Our Blessings

DEAR READERS: Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and no Thanksgiving would be complete without my sharing the traditional prayer penned by my dear mother:

Oh, Heavenly Father,

We thank Thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank Thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank Thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank Thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service,

That Thy gifts to us may be used for others.

Amen.

Have a safe and happy celebration, everyone! -- Love, ABBY

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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