To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.
Tardy Worker Who Was Fired Seeks Right Time to Explain It
DEAR ABBY: I was recently fired from my job for chronic tardiness. I have worked at this business for four years, and although I knew my lateness was seen as a problem by my boss, it was still a surprise.
Now that I'm back in the job market again, I'm wondering if I need to mention my previous tardiness on employment applications. I asked my mother, who has been privy to this whole mess. She thinks I should mention it and explain that I have learned my lesson -- especially when applying to a different branch of my former company that would have direct access to my evaluations.
I think I should explain my tardiness as a "lesson learned" on job interviews when/if it comes up, not on applications where I am trying to put my best foot forward. What say you? -- TARDY FOR WORK
DEAR TARDY: While I think your mother may mean well, I agree with you!
Introductions Are Awkward When Dad Returns To Toddler's Life
DEAR ABBY: When I was little I would have given anything to have met my father at least once. Now I am 26 and have a 2-year-old boy, "Sean." I am married, but not to his father (a man I'll call Charlie).
All of a sudden, Charlie is wanting to be in Sean's life, but Sean already knows my husband as his daddy. I'm confused and afraid. What's your advice? I don't want to confuse my little boy about the man who is raising him and his biological father, but I don't want to wait 'til Sean is older and cause him pain. -- MOM IN TENNESSEE
DEAR MOM: It appears that Bio-Dad is a little slow on the uptake. Now that he wants to be part of Sean's life, he should also be paying child support if he doesn't already, so discuss this with a lawyer.
Charlie should be introduced to Sean by his name for now. When the boy is old enough to understand -- in a year or two -- he should then be told that he has two dads and that he'll be sharing time with both of them because they both love him.
Girlfriend Is Hurt She's Not On Thanksgiving Guest List
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. Last Thanksgiving I invited him -- and he attended -- my family's get-together. Of course, I invited him again this year.
However, his rich sister and brother-in-law are treating his family to Thanksgiving dinner at a nice restaurant. I was not invited.
My feelings are hurt, but I'm not sure I'm justified in feeling that way. Should I just get over it since I'm not actually a member of their family? -- UNINVITED IN MISSOURI
DEAR UNINVITED: If you're smart, you'll be gracious about this. While it would have been nice if the sister had included you, you and your boyfriend are not engaged -- and the sister may have wanted the dinner to be "strictly family." As the hostess, that is her privilege.
Couple Loses Connection Following Pregnancy's End
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married 13 years. Early on, we struggled to have children and needed reproductive specialists in order to have our two beautiful girls, ages 4 and 8.
During my wife's second pregnancy she had mini-strokes. We were advised against another pregnancy, which surprisingly happened two months ago. Faced with the difficult decision of continuing the pregnancy and risking my wife's health, or ending the life of a child we would never see, know or raise, we chose the latter.
My wife feels I'm not grieving because I'm trying to show little, if any, emotion. I assure you I hurt inside enormously. How can I reassure her of such, while trying to be a "strong man"? And how do we avoid the stigma associated with our choice by those who may have known about the pregnancy? Never has the quote "Don't judge people until you have walked a mile in their shoes" rung so true. -- DAD OF 2 FLOWERS AND ONE ANGEL
DEAR DAD: I'm sorry about your loss, and for the pain you and your wife are experiencing. However, while I appreciate that you are trying to be strong and put on a brave face, that may not be what she needs right now. A grief therapist could help you two reconnect on an emotional level and communicate your feelings more effectively with each other.
As to your worries about "stigma" for ending a pregnancy that put your wife's life at risk, there shouldn't be any. While bringing a new life into the world is wonderful, your wife has a greater responsibility to her two little girls. They need their mother -- as do you.
If anyone has the gall to make a negative comment, her response should be that the pregnancy was terminated because her doctors told her that carrying it to term might have resulted in her death. Anyone who would judge your wife after hearing that isn't worth her time or yours. Trust me on that.
Cellphone Chatter Disturbs The Peace In Doctor's Waiting Room
DEAR ABBY: I was at my eye doctor's yesterday, sitting in a small waiting room waiting for my eyes to dilate. There were five of us in there, quietly thumbing through magazines or listening to a TV on a low volume.
A woman in her 20s walked in and joined us. No sooner did she sit down than her cellphone rang. For the next half-hour she proceeded to talk loudly. I was so annoyed and distracted it was all I could do not to grab that phone out of her hand. Other people looked her way, but no one said anything.
There was no sign requesting people to turn off their phones. Abby, what can be done about cellphone rudeness? -- MIFFED IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR MIFFED: Someone should have gotten up, complained to the office manager that the extended phone call was intrusive and disturbing everyone, and suggested that a sign be posted telling patients that cellphones are to be used only in emergencies.
Teen Hesitates to Approach Parents About Fear of OCD
DEAR ABBY: I'm 13 and I'm afraid I may have OCD. I want to find out, but what's standing in my way is that sometimes my parents think I make stuff up to get attention. I'm afraid to tell them, but I know if I do, it will answer my question. Can you give me some advice? -- ANONYMOUS IN OHIO
DEAR ANONYMOUS: Be brave and talk to your parents about your fears. They are your best friends, and you should be able to talk to them about anything -- particularly anything that bothers you. However, before you do, make a list of the behaviors that cause you to think you may have OCD, and when you approach them, read them what's on it. That way, if you become nervous, you won't forget anything.
Boyfriend's Social Networking Gives Girl Cause For Concern
DEAR ABBY: My daughter and her boyfriend have been dating for three years. They are now in their first year of college and she gets upset when he texts other girls and Snapchats them. He makes her feel like she's overreacting, but I can understand her fears that he is being unfaithful. What do you think about social networking and how it can affect relationships and even marriage? -- WISE MOM IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR WISE MOM: If someone wants to be unfaithful, social networking makes it easier than ever. But men and women who are ready to settle down and make a commitment do not look for outside adventures, no matter how they go about it.
If your daughter is insecure about what her boyfriend is doing, she may have good reason. If she's right about her hunches, the time has come for both of them to meet and date other people. Because she has spent so much of her teens with only this young man, the prospect may frighten her. But please explain that this will be her chance to mature and grow. As a "Wise Mom," I'm sure you can get the message across.
DEAR ABBY: My children were over at my in-laws' recently. When we came to pick them up, they told us their cat had scratched our son. Sure enough, there were five scratch marks on his face, circling his left eye.
In the past we have recommended they have the cat declawed so this wouldn't happen. They told us that cats can make mistakes just like kids do. We do not share their opinion. Would it be unreasonable to not allow our kids to be over there unless they declaw that cat? -- "DISCATIFIED" IN WISCONSIN
DEAR "DISCATIFIED": Cats do not normally "attack" children out of nowhere. Before you insist they declaw their pet, perhaps you should investigate what led up to your child being scratched. Could your child have done something that caused the animal to react defensively? If that might be the case, then your son should be taught about the proper handling of animals, because declawing a cat is not minor surgery. It's like having the tips of one's fingers amputated, and some cities have outlawed the practice.