DEAR VETERANS: I salute each and every one of you for your service to this country. My thanks as well to the brave and dedicated men and women who are still on active duty. You are the personification of patriotism and self-sacrifice for your dedication to our country. -- ABBY
Woman Carrying Less Weight Should Avoid More Candor
DEAR ABBY: I had weight-loss surgery three years ago. I am down 100 pounds and feel great. I'm new in the dating game and wonder if I'm supposed to disclose that I was previously 100 pounds overweight. Is it any of their business, or do I not address the topic? -- LESS OF ME IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR LESS: I don't think your health history needs to be announced right from the "git-go." As people date, get to know each other, become comfortable and eventually intimate, more and more information is revealed. When it's appropriate to discuss it, you will know.
DEAR ABBY: I am a widower and am dating a divorcee. We have been together for about 18 months. She says she loves me and wants to get married. I like her and enjoy her company, but that is it. I also have no desire to marry, or live with anyone, again.
I would like to end it and let her continue in her search for a husband, but every time I try to do it she cries. How can I tell her I am not the one? -- NOT THE ONE IN WISCONSIN
DEAR NOT THE ONE: You and this lady have very different objectives. I assume that if she has burst into tears she has already gotten your message. My advice is instead of repeating it, to stop calling her. However, if you feel that to achieve closure there must be a face-to-face conversation, approach it with a large box of tissues in your hand and repeat what you have written to me.
Hostess Declares Thanksgiving Dinner A Text-Free Affair
DEAR ABBY: For the first time, I am hosting my nephew and his family for Thanksgiving. I abhor texting and any electronic amusements that deter face-to-face family communication. I need to know the best way to explain -- before they arrive -- that it is not allowed in my home. -- HOSTESS WITH RULES IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR HOSTESS WITH RULES: Transmit your message the old-fashioned way. Call and tell them your wishes so they'll have plenty of time to make other plans if they feel unable to comply with your "house rules." It will also give you enough time to invite other guests in the event that your nephew and his family are so addicted to their electronics that they can't comfortably abide by your wishes.
COUPLE'S PREGNANCY IS NO BUSINESS OF CRITICAL FRIEND
DEAR ABBY: May I have some advice about a touchy subject? One of my boyfriend's close friends is going through his third bout with cancer and the prognosis is not good. He is married with a healthy 3-year-old son. So imagine our surprise when his wife announced she's pregnant.
This is a decision we do not support. I don't know what they're thinking, but if you are facing the reality that your spouse will not be around much longer, we don't feel it is wise to bring another child into the world who will never know his or her father.
Some of her close friends want to throw her a "sprinkle," and although I am only an acquaintance, I have been invited. How do I handle this? Should I attend and keep my thoughts to myself, decline and/or send a small gift in my absence? I have a hard time making small talk about subjects I don't agree with.
Did I mention she does nothing but complain about how hard her life is now? I'm afraid if I go and get involved, I'll be on the hook down the road when she wants to complain about how hard it is to raise two children alone. -- ISN'T MY CHOICE
DEAR ISN'T: Feeling as you do, decline the invitation. This woman needs friends around her during this painful and traumatic time, and you do not qualify. To send a small gift would be both thoughtful and kind, because I am sure her life is extremely difficult now.
As to this couple having made a decision with which you do not agree, allow me to point out that not all pregnancies are planned, and this may be one of them.
Niece's College Plans Shouldn't Include Rooming With Grandparents
DEAR ABBY: My folks are in their mid-70s and have health problems. My oldest niece, "Riley," will graduate from high school next spring and is considering going to a college near them. My parents recently told me that my brother is suggesting Riley move in with them.
The girl has some behavioral issues and is in counseling. She's not an easy, happy or normal kid. My parents are extremely uncomfortable with the idea, but have not said anything to my brother. I think they are afraid of a fight or causing hurt feelings. He is in denial about his daughter's problems.
I'm concerned about my parents. At their age, I don't think it's fair to expect them to have another teenager in their home, much less one with issues. Is it my place to say something, and if so, what do I say? -- LOOKING OUT FOR MOM AND DAD
DEAR LOOKING OUT: You should definitely say something, but not to your brother. Talk with your parents. Remind them that if they're not OK with the arrangement your brother has proposed, it's their responsibility to make plain that because of their ages and their health problems they'll be unable to accommodate his request. Because it's the truth, it shouldn't cause an argument or hurt feelings. Also, your brother will have plenty of advance notice that other living arrangements will have to be made for Riley.
Fertility Issues Put Pressure on Woman's Biological Clock
DEAR ABBY: I am an educated, single woman in my 30s. I'd love to be a mom one day, but because I have fertility/ovulation issues, I'll need treatments in order to conceive. I'm scared that by the time I find a husband, I may be too old.
For the last few months I have been dating a great guy, "Scott." He says he's willing to help me have a child. However, when marriage was mentioned, Scott said he won't be ready to settle down for a few more years. I understand, because he's not yet financially stable. I don't mind waiting to marry him, but I can't wait that long to have children.
My friends say I scream "desperation," but most of them are also in their 30s, married and aggressively seeking fertility treatments. Should I wait for the unknown or take a leap of faith? -- WEIGHING MY OPTIONS IN HOUSTON
DEAR WEIGHING: No one can answer that for you. But while you're pondering, let me weigh in: Before "leaping," you should be fully aware that Scott -- as nice as he may be -- may not be husband material. The baby could be in college before he's ready to settle down, so the responsibility of raising your child may be solely yours.
I assume that as an educated woman you have a good job, but it's important you discuss this with an attorney, so Scott's financial responsibility to his child will be spelled out beforehand. Children and child care are expensive. If something unforeseen were to happen to you or the child -- an accident, a physical or mental illness or disability -- the costs could skyrocket.
Also, if you're a regular reader, you may have noticed that more than a few women say that because they have a child, men shy away, which could negatively affect your chances of marrying in the future.
Siblings' Rivalry Carries Over To Holiday Dinners
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have married children. When it comes to holiday meals, we have a problem. For instance, our youngest daughter was the first to ask us for Thanksgiving dinner. I gave no answer at the time. That same day, one of our sons asked. Another son asked a day later. I told them all I'd let them know.
Well, the day after that, our oldest daughter called and invited us. We have been to all the kids' homes for holiday dinners except our oldest daughter's. Because we had never been there for a holiday, we accepted her invitation. Now our youngest daughter, who asked us first, is upset. She choked up on the phone when I told her we were going to her sister's. How do we make all our children happy? What should we have done? -- HOLIDAY DILEMMA
DEAR DILEMMA: The way you handled it was not only insensitive, but also rude. Because your youngest daughter was the first to invite you, you should have either accepted her invitation or declined -- not strung her along and kept her hanging. I don't blame her for feeling hurt because it now appears you favor her older sister.
From now on, work out a plan in which you rotate holiday dinners among your children and there will be fewer hurt feelings.