DEAR ABBY: I'm struggling in my marriage. I have asked my husband to treat me as an equal, but it falls on deaf ears. I work part-time, attend school full-time and care for our two children, basically on my own. I pay for almost everything. If I'm broke, he'll pay one of the smaller bills.
He refuses to help with any of the housework, and he has the freedom to go when and where he pleases. I'm only allowed to go to school or work; otherwise I must take the kids with me. He's very controlling and, in the past, when I have threatened to leave, he said he would kill himself. He is verbally and emotionally abusive.
I no longer love him and want a divorce, but I'm scared of what he'll do if I ask for one. I don't know what he is capable of. The stress has taken a toll on me. I'm depressed, angry and bitter. I wish the kids and I could simply disappear, but that's not an option, nor healthy.
Is there an easy way to ask for a divorce, or somewhere I could turn for help? Is there financial help where someone could help pay for a divorce? -- WANTS TO DISAPPEAR
DEAR WANTS TO DISAPPEAR: There is no easy way to ask a spouse for a divorce, particularly one who is controlling and verbally abusive. If you are worried about him killing himself, please don't. From your description, he is too selfish and self-centered ever to do that.
Because I know of no individuals or organizations that pay for people's divorces, talk to your family and see if one or more of your close relatives is willing to help. However, if you are afraid that your husband might harm you, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The phone number is 800-799-7233. Its counselors can help you form an exit strategy.