DEAR ABBY: My parents divorced many years ago, and ever since, I have lived with my mother and visit Dad on his days off from work. Mom cheated on Dad, and the man she cheated with lives with us.
I don't have a good relationship with her boyfriend. We don't have much in common, and when he drinks, he gets angry for no reason and takes it out on me or Mom, and it puts the whole household in an awkward position, sometimes lasting for days. When he's sober, he can be fun to be around.
I have talked with my mom about this. She promises she'll talk to him and things are going to change, but they never do. She doesn't want to break up with him because she can't afford to pay the mortgage on her own. I have thought about moving in with my dad, but I don't want to upset her. What do I do? -- WANTS TO MOVE IN WITH DAD
DEAR WANTS: Your mother hasn't asserted herself with her boyfriend because she's financially dependent on him. She's afraid if she insists he do something about his drinking, he will leave her.
The affair and the boyfriend were her choice, not yours. If you want to move in with your father to avoid being around a verbally abusive drunk -- and your father is willing -- that's what you should do. You should not have to tolerate abuse in order not to "upset" your mother. It's OK to take care of yourself.