DEAR ABBY: I'm thinking about marrying my longtime boyfriend, but I'm hesitant because he wants me to change my last name. I want to keep my maiden name as my mother did. Most of the women I look up to in my life kept their names.
My boyfriend says my wanting to keep my name tells him I am not committed. He says he'd be really hurt if I did it. I feel that retaining my name is the ultimate in female empowerment. The tradition of women changing their last name goes back to when we were treated as property and not educated. What do you think I should do? -- FEMALE FIRST, WIFE SECOND
DEAR FEMALE FIRST: Women retain their maiden names for a variety of reasons: Many do it because they are established in their careers when they marry and feel a name change would be confusing. Others prefer to keep their personal and professional lives separate. This shouldn't be a contest of wills, and you should not change your name to prove the depth of your commitment.
Your boyfriend appears to be very traditional in his thinking. Stop for a moment and ask yourself what that would mean for your future if you marry him. Would he be willing to compromise if you offer to hyphenate your name with his? If he isn't, and you feel giving up your name would make you feel like chattel, then perhaps you should look for a man whose beliefs are closer to your own.