A THOUGHT FOR THE DAY, COURTESY OF BENJAMIN FRANKLIN: "He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals."
High Tech Rental Cars Should Come With Instruction Manuals
DEAR ABBY: We rented a car while we were on vacation. Most of the newer cars have all kinds of high-tech equipment and devices -- different kinds for different models of vehicles. The problem is the instruction booklets that describe how the equipment operates are never provided with the cars.
It's dangerous to try and figure out how the equipment operates by trial and error while starting to drive an unfamiliar vehicle. Why don't the rental agencies provide the instruction manuals, or at least a pamphlet summarizing the procedures? Surely not many people would steal them, since they're just using the cars for a short time.
Also, it would be helpful if the rental agencies would include an inexpensive ice scraper with every car in appropriate areas of the country, so customers could clean their windshields and avoid the hazard of obstructed vision. -- CAR RENTER IN CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA.
DEAR CAR RENTER: What you're describing is also true with loaner cars that are offered when a vehicle is being serviced. I am pretty sure the reason those items are not provided is fear that they would be stolen.
However, I agree that knowing how to operate the radio, heating, air-conditioning and street map functions on the newer cars can be confusing -- which is why you should ask to have the pertinent pages of the manual photocopied so you can refer to them as needed. (The technologically inclined can Google the make of car and ask "How to turn on the radio," etc. because the information is available online.)
DEAR ABBY: My best friend died from the flu in November. She was only 63 and had been my friend for 23 years. She died because she was stubborn and insisted to all her friends -- myself included -- that she was "fine" and didn't need to see a doctor or go to the emergency room.
We had all threatened to come and drag her to the doctor or the ER or call 911, but because she insisted she was getting better, we took her word for it. Now we're kicking ourselves for not getting her the help she obviously needed.
Abby, please tell your readers that when a friend or family member is sick enough to cause this kind of concern, to ignore the person and get her (or him) to a doctor! I will miss my friend every day for the rest of my life because I can no longer call to say good morning. Her name was Abby, too, and she was the best friend I've ever had. -- DEVASTATED IN TARZANA, CALIF.
DEAR DEVASTATED: I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. But none of you should blame yourselves for what happened to her. She made an unwise choice.
It is not unusual for people who experience serious symptoms to go into a state of denial ("Let's wait," "It will pass," etc.). But unless your friend was experiencing extreme respiratory distress or an unusually high fever, she might have recovered from that virus without intervention.
P.S. I can't help but wonder if your friend got her flu vaccination last fall when they started being offered. While it's not 100 percent effective for everyone, it is effective in many people. I get one every year, and it's worth discussing with your doctor.
Young Mom Must Keep Her Wits as Husband Considers Leaving
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are a young couple, married almost two years. He recently told me he isn't happy with me anymore and that he may want to leave. He won't tell me why. He says he doesn't know why.
It was a complete shock to me. He refuses to seek marriage counseling and has dealt with a lot of depression for which he won't seek help, either. We have a child, and I am now pregnant again. It hasn't changed his thoughts about leaving.
What should I do for myself and our children? What can I do to help my husband change his mind? I'm still deeply in love with him. -- CONFUSED IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DEAR CONFUSED: I can only imagine how painful this must be for you. Because your husband won't see a counselor about your marriage or do anything about his depression, then you should. And when you do, start figuring out a "plan B" for how you will support your children if it becomes necessary. You should also consult an attorney who can help you ensure that your husband lives up to his responsibilities if he does decide to leave.
The reason for your husband's ambivalence will become apparent in time. You may love him deeply, but for your sake and that of your children, it's important you stay calm and rational.
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 17-year-old girl, turning 18 soon. Ever since I started high school, my family has pressured me to do my best in everything I do. Some examples: my grades, having the perfect boyfriend and being first in sports.
I know they want the best for me. But I'm a human being. I sometimes make mistakes. At the same time, I don't want to disappoint them. What should I do? Should I tell them to get off my back or continue to accept their pressure? -- TEEN IN TURMOIL, TULSA, OKLA.
DEAR TEEN: Your parents probably push you because they want you to get a college education. Good grades, various activities and a talent for sports can make you a more attractive candidate.
There are ways to tell your parents to ease up without saying, "Get off my back." Your message might be better received if you said to them what you wrote to me: "I know you want what's best for me. I don't want to disappoint you. But I'm a human being and I sometimes make mistakes. I love you, but the pressure is getting to me." It's not hostile, and they may hear what you're saying without becoming defensive.
DEAR ABBY: My brother-in-law is a registered sex offender. I am uncomfortable having him stay at our house with my husband and me and our children. My mother-in-law insists we need to forgive him and let him stay. I hate putting my husband in the middle (it is his sister's husband), but I do not want him under our roof overnight.
Am I right to refuse, or do I let him stay and be on major guard? -- MOMMY IN MEMPHIS
DEAR MOMMY: As a mother, it is your job to protect your children. Because you feel your brother-in-law might be a danger to them, he should sleep elsewhere -- and "forgiveness" has nothing to do with it.
Portrait of Man's Late Wife Clouds Couple's Life Together
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of two years, "Clint," recently brought a large framed picture of his deceased wife into our home. He placed it on his dresser in front of framed photos of us together.
His wife died three years ago. We are living together in a condo Clint bought for me. He made it clear from the beginning that he didn't want to move me into "her house."
Clint also still wears his wedding ring. He carries guilt and doesn't seem to have made closure. I told him I don't feel comfortable with her picture "looking at us." He doesn't think there should be a problem. Should I move on? -- IN THE SHADOWS
DEAR IN THE SHADOWS: That Clint still wears his wedding ring tells me he may not have accepted his wife's death. How sad for him.
Ask him to move his wife's picture to a room other than the bedroom because, while he doesn't think it's creating a problem, it is creating one for you. If he can't bring himself to do that -- and join a grief support group -- then you should consider moving on.
DEAR ABBY: Enough with the problems! It's time you printed a positive letter.
I'm an active, friendly senior who lives alone, but I'm not lonely. I have many friends of all ages and a devoted family. Why? Because as I traveled through many states during my life, I reached out to people along the way.
The saying, "If you want a friend, be a friend," is true. If we want friends, we can't sit back and wait for people to come to us. Smile, speak up, pay a sincere compliment -- just communicate! If you do, the majority of people will respond positively.
I socialize with people my age in church circles, card clubs and dining-out groups who can't understand why I'm always so busy. They don't reach out except to people they already know. As people get older, that group is constantly shrinking. Join a religious group, community clubs and organizations. Volunteer to read at schools and libraries. Visit a senior group or center.
Many people of all ages fear they won't be accepted. But if they show up with a friendly attitude, they will be. You have to contribute -- whether it's with a smile, an opening remark or some other welcoming gesture.
I served in the military, taught Sunday school, led Girl Scouts, garden clubs, church and neighborhood groups while following my husband through eight states and raising three children. My husband was often away in his business, but we had a strong, supportive marriage. He joined me in many activities when he could be home.
I think many people have forgotten we must give in order to get. When we reach out to others, most of the time those people reach back. -- NOT LONELY IN WOODSTOCK, ILL.
DEAR NOT LONELY: It's easy to see why you have a wide circle of friends. Your positive energy leaps off the page.
There are two types of people in the world: those who come into a room and their attitude says, "Here I am!" and those who come into a room and their attitude says, "There you are!" You are one of the latter. If people want a warm welcome, they should keep in mind that the happier they are to see others, the happier others will be to see them.