DEAR ABBY: My mother is in her mid-50s. She's a wonderful woman, but she makes us late for everything. My husband and children, my siblings and I often attend family functions and other events as a group. When we go to pick up Mom, she announces she has "just a few" chores she wants to do first, and they take forever.
We are not "a few" minutes late; we're significantly late, and sometimes miss events altogether. These have included weddings and funerals, and we have wasted hundreds of dollars on tickets to missed events. She'll often make a show of apologizing, but her behavior never changes.
We have stopped inviting Mom to some events, but she makes us feel guilty if we don't take her to a family event. We have tried helping her do her chores the day before and lied about starting times. Nothing works, and Mom finds more to do.
We have asked her friends about this behavior. They say she never pulls these stunts when they pick her up for things. When we talk to Mom about it, she insists she needs to get things done ahead of time. Her house isn't messy, nor is it known for being overly tidy.
She's in good mental and physical health. We're fresh out of ideas on how to deal with this. Help! -- LATE FOR A VERY IMPORTANT DATE
DEAR LATE: It's interesting that your mother doesn't behave this way with her friends. That tells me her behavior is controlling -- although it's hard to understand what perverse pleasure she gets out of it.
I would handle it this way: Tell Mama you will pick her up at a certain time and that you will wait no longer than five minutes for her. If she's not out by then, you will leave. And then do it.