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by Abigail Van Buren

Wife's Refusal to Quit Smoking Begins to Cloud Her Marriage

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for eight years. When we married, we both drank and smoked. My husband quit smoking five years ago, and I have continued to smoke off and on. If he catches me with a cigarette it becomes an argument, and it's either I quit or we're done!

I love my husband, but I find it difficult to be honest about this. I don't see the big deal if I smoke a cigarette. He sometimes makes me feel like a teenager hiding it from my parents! Any advice? -- CLOSET SMOKER IN WISCONSIN

DEAR SMOKER: Surely you know that smoking isn't good for you, and it upsets your husband because he loves you. This is less about a contest of wills than the fact that you are addicted to nicotine and can't stop using.

You're an adult, not a naughty teenager, so stop acting like one. The cigarette is not your friend; your husband is. When you're finally ready to see it that way and overcome the habit, your physician can help you.

If you won't do it for yourself, understand that after a former smoker has quit, the smell of secondhand smoke is extremely offensive. Or worse, it can tempt the former smoker to resume.

Read more in: Marriage & Divorce | Health & Safety | Addiction