DEAR ABBY: My friend is a compulsive talker. "Chatty Cathy" draws detailed descriptions of people I don't know and don't care about and lingers over past and current tribulations. I tolerate her behavior because she's a kind person, but she is oblivious to how much she dominates a conversation. It's like something compels her to fill every silence with monologue.
Her personal and work relationships suffer because of it. It's hard for her to hold a job, and she often becomes upset over this co-worker's or that family member's behavior. It is always the other person's failure, yet she is always in the center of the commotion.
She has had a tough life, partly of her own making. If I try to send subtle cues of uninterest, she doesn't pick up on them and keeps talking and talking. I feel sorry for her. Is there anything I can do to help her, without seeming critical? -- EXHAUSTED LISTENER IN HAWAII
DEAR EXHAUSTED: Not knowing your friend, I can only guess what drives her to talk compulsively. Some people do it because they feel the need to prove to others how smart they are. Others do it out of nervousness or insecurity because they are uncomfortable with silence -- even if it is a momentary pause in conversation.
Because her behavior has had a negative impact on her employability, the next time she mentions problems at work, it would be a kindness to suggest to her that, because it's happening repeatedly, she discuss it with a psychologist. That's not hurtful; it's helpful.