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by Abigail Van Buren

Young-At-Heart Senior Not Ready To Give Up On Finding A Good Man

DEAR ABBY: The woman who collaborated with me on this letter is in her 80s and lives at an assisted-living facility. I am a caregiver and a senior myself, and I have worked in this area for six years.

We read your column on the days I care for her. She loves it and responds verbally to all the letters. Many times the situations spark good conversation, even though her short-term memory is failing. Sometimes we end up howling with laughter. She's a delight and has the courage to still seek out relationships.

This is what she asked me to help her to communicate. -- KATE IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I have been in assisted living for seven years. There are times when it can be lonely and boring. I'd like to meet some men for companionship, conversation and perhaps romance. The men here act so much older than me. They don't start conversations. They stay in their rooms and watch TV and don't seem interested in conversations.

It's hard because my memory isn't what it used to be, but I do remember how nice it was to have male companionship. Do you have any ideas to make my life a little more interesting? -- LONELY WOMAN

DEAR LONELY: Start by making sure you participate in all the activities your assisted-living facility offers. Shared mealtimes and holiday celebrations also present opportunities to mingle.

The trick is to find something you have in common with these men -- sports, games, music, movies. Because long-term memory outlasts short-term memory, some of them might find it easier to discuss their youth than the present.

Encourage your caregiver, Kate, to take you places where you can meet other seniors. And while you're at it, why not invite some of the men to join you both during your Dear Abby sessions? It's a way to draw people out and get to know them better.

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