DEAR ABBY: I have a relative who is very ill. She's not expected to survive. She has a 1-year-old daughter, "Whitney," and a husband who isn't particularly interested in parenting once his wife is gone. My husband and I have a 3-year-old, and my husband would like to have more children. I love this relative and the little girl, but I'm not interested in raising another child. I'm fine with just one.
My husband feels we have the love and resources to provide Whitney with a good life. I respect the fact that he feels this way, but I work full time. I am also in my mid-40s and already feel overwhelmed being the parent of one child. I enjoy my current lifestyle and being able to travel some. Although we will be fine financially, our lifestyle would be greatly impaired.
My husband says I'm selfish for not wanting to share my good fortune. He may be right, but I feel that if I'm talked into taking her, I'll be unhappy and resentful. Please advise. -- ONLY WANTS ONE
DEAR ONLY WANTS ONE: Children need love and attention from the adults who parent them. While your husband has that to offer Whitney, you do not. Because you would be unhappy and resentful if your husband talks you into adopting her, it would be better for you and Whitney if someone who really wants a child, and is capable of providing the love and support a child needs, took her.Read more in: Death | Family & Parenting