DEAR ABBY: Several years ago I met "Holly," the love of my life. We married and had a child. Soon after our son's birth, I found out Holly had a boyfriend on the side. Our divorce was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. Because of her instability, I was granted custody of our son.
Since the divorce I have developed an attraction to men. Is this normal after a nasty divorce? I never thought of myself as gay or bi until about a year afterward. I know that I never again want to experience the pain I went through.
I have been celibate now for almost four years, and I'm trying my best to set a good example for my son. I miss having someone to hold and share life with, but in the area where I live, having a gay relationship would cause me to lose my son. Any advice you can offer would be appreciated. -- IS THIS NORMAL? IN ARIZONA
DEAR NORMAL: It is important that you determine exactly who you are, whether it is a walking-wounded heterosexual, bisexual or homosexual. A licensed psychotherapist can help you with this, and do it in confidence.
Regardless of your sexual orientation, you should realize that when breakups happen between couples -- and that includes male/male, female/female and heterosexual -- there is usually heartbreak involved. However, without risk there can be no reward, and celibacy is not the answer. If it turns out that you are, indeed, gay, then you should consider relocating to a more gay-friendly area.