DEAR READERS: Once again, here is my "timely" reminder that daylight saving time ends at 2 a.m. Sunday -- so don't forget to turn your clocks back one hour before bedtime.
Young Wife Expecting First Child Faces Adult Decisions
DEAR ABBY: I am 19 and a new bride. My husband is in the Army. We're very happy, but I just found out that I'm pregnant -- I'm not sure how far along yet -- and I feel torn about what to do.
My husband wants a child very badly, but he did say he would support whatever decision I make. While I have no objection to having a child, I know my family will make me feel guilty if I do by saying they are disappointed, that I should have waited and that I'm "throwing my life away."
Abby, I am so confused. I don't know what to do. I want my family to support me and be there when I have our first child. -- PRESSURED AND CONFUSED
DEAR PRESSURED: Was your family disappointed and saying you were throwing your life away when you married your husband? If the answer is no, then why would they accuse you of doing so because you are pregnant?
You are an adult, albeit a young one, and a wife. The first thing you need to do is see a gynecologist and find out how far along you are. Your next step is for you and your husband to decide if you are emotionally and financially ready to be parents.
No one can decide this for you, but your family's possible "disappointment" should not enter into your decision. If they are not supportive, your in-laws might be.
Fiancee Mad At Future In-Laws For Friendship With Ex's Parents
DEAR ABBY: Before my son met his fiancee of five years, "Shelby," he went with another girl, "Dana," for three years. During that time we became good friends with Dana's parents (the "Smiths"). After the breakup, we stayed in touch with the Smiths and go out occasionally.
Recently, Mrs. Smith invited us to her husband's retirement party. When we told our son we were going, he mentioned it to Shelby, who told us we were being disrespectful to her by continuing our relationship with the Smiths.
Shelby's position is that all ties to Dana and her family should have been severed when the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship ended. Our position is the Smiths became friends of ours before Shelby was in the picture, and we don't think we are being disrespectful to anyone by continuing our relationship with this couple. Are we wrong? -- JIM IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR JIM: Of course not. Your son's fiancee appears to have serious insecurities. I sincerely hope you won't allow her to control your lives and your relationships, because if you do, this is just the beginning of how she will try to control you -- and your son. This is Shelby's problem. She will have to deal with it. Please do not make it yours.
'Friends' Aren't Really Friends If They Abandon You
DEAR ABBY: I have friends who exclude me or take off with other friends before I can get to where they are meeting. What can I do to get them to call me? Why am I their whipping post? -- FRIEND-CHALLENGED IN OVERLAND PARK, KAN.
DEAR CHALLENGED: Friends don't treat friends the way you are being treated. There is nothing you can do to get them to behave differently. You are letting them do this because you're hoping that if you ignore their insensitivity and rudeness, they will accept you.
Please stop trying to cling to them. Join activities where you'll meet people with whom you really have something in common. If you do, you will be much happier than you are today.
Mom Is Center of Tug of War Between Boyfriend and Her Son
DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced five years and have five children, ranging in age from 23 to 8. When I was having trouble with my middle son, "Logan," I found help from his godfather, "Carl." I hadn't seen Carl in years. He was my ex's best friend when Logan was born.
Long story short, Carl and I have been in a committed relationship for two years now. He has been more a part of our lives than my ex has. Four of my kids love Carl, and he is very involved in their lives. Logan, however, hates him and throws a fit if his name is mentioned. I have tried to explain that I didn't intend this to happen, but Logan feels I "took away his godfather from him." Carl is still there for him, but Logan will have none of it and refuses to listen.
Carl and I mainly spend time together on the weekends we don't have our kids, or meet for lunch or breakfast. I'm at a loss. Logan is now 17. I don't want to lose Carl. He's a great man and wants what's best for me and the kids. What should I do? -- PULLED IN TWO DIRECTIONS IN CANADA
DEAR PULLED: Logan may be 17, but he is acting like a child. Do not let his behavior discourage you from having a life. In another year he will be 18 -- and either concentrating on finishing his education or finding a job.
Logan needs to realize that he hasn't "lost" a godfather, and that everyone may eventually be gaining a stepdad. He also needs to understand that if he can't accept it, he will find himself odd man out in an otherwise healthy, happy and functional family.
Girlfriend Ready To Give Pot-Smoking Beau The Boot
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of five years, "Todd," is a daily pot smoker. We met during our senior year of college, and I knew he smoked. I don't use drugs, and I assumed that after college he would grow up. However, it seems unlikely that he will quit, and frankly, I'm sick of it.
I have asked Todd for the last four years to please stop, but he hasn't. He keeps saying he will, but I don't know how much longer I want to wait. I know it's unfair to expect to change someone, but I would not be comfortable getting engaged or married to Todd if he's still getting stoned. I love him. Should I give it more time or move on? -- PATIENT GIRLFRIEND IN SAN DIEGO
DEAR GIRLFRIEND: You have been patient enough. If Todd had any intention of quitting, it would have happened already. Four years of procrastination are enough. Because you feel so strongly about this, it's time to move on because your boyfriend is not going to change.
DEAR ABBY: I would like to share a Thanksgiving tradition our family has enjoyed for years. We realized that after a big holiday dinner we weren't ready to eat a lot of dessert, so we started having "Pie Night" the evening before Thanksgiving. After a light meal we could enjoy the various pies or cakes family members brought. It became one of our favorite traditions.
My father suggested it as a social event/fundraiser to the pastor of our local church, and it was one of their best-attended events. Our family is scattered across the country now, but those times were some of my favorites, and I thought some of your readers might like to incorporate it into their holiday celebrations, too. -- GOOD TIMES IN ARIZONA
DEAR GOOD TIMES: They might, indeed, especially if they are trying to spread those extra calories over a longer period. (And it would be a good idea to exercise the day after they indulge.) Thanks for the suggestion.
Happy Home Life Stops Couple From Getting Out and About
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Mark," and I have been together for a year. We met at work, and have dated ever since. Several months ago we were offered a job opportunity in another state. We moved in together and are happy.
My problem is, over the past few months we have been living together, our personal relationship has come to a halt. We still care about each other deeply, but no longer do the things couples do. We don't go out on dates or see the new city we've moved to.
Do you have any advice on how I can get Mark to go out and see the sights without sounding whiny or pushy? -- BALTIMORE AND D.C. BECKON
DEAR BALTIMORE: Tell Mark the two of you appear to have become housebound and you don't think it's healthy -- particularly because Baltimore and Washington, D.C., have many entertainment and cultural opportunities to offer. Then create a "bucket list" and have him choose from the menu of choices that are available. If that doesn't inspire him, ask him to create a list, or start exploring on your own.
If you are successful at getting Mark out of the house, it may liven up your relationship. But if it doesn't, you may have more serious problems to deal with, and a heart-to-heart talk with him about your entire relationship is in order.
Mom Must Pay For Dinner When Son Brings Along Freeloaders
DEAR ABBY: My son's birthday was yesterday. I invited him to dinner at a very nice restaurant. When he showed up, he had two other men with him. They didn't offer to pay for their food, so I had to pay for all of us.
My son is 32, and I would like to say something about this to him. Or should I just not invite him to nice dinners out? -- TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF IN SUGARLAND, TEXAS
DEAR TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF: No. Say something to him. And when you do, it should be something like this: "Son, springing unexpected guests on your host is bad manners. You should have asked permission first. I was appalled that your friends didn't offer to share the expense. Please don't do that again because if you do, I'll stop inviting you."
DEAR ABBY: My parents divorced many years ago. Dad started dating and moved in with a woman I'll call Crystal a few months later. They stayed together for several years. I lived with them part-time then, and eventually only occasionally. I don't have a good relationship with my father.
Since then, he and Crystal have broken up and Dad moved away. I never felt particularly close with her, but she calls and emails me incessantly, begging me to spend time together. She even refers to her daughter as my "sister." She never showed much interest in me when we lived together, and I'm confused how to respond. -- BEWILDERED
DEAR BEWILDERED: Crystal may be attempting to maintain a presence in your father's life by continuing a relationship with you. The next time she emails, email her back and point out that your father has moved on with his life, and it is time for her to do the same because you are busy.
A NOTE TO PARENTS OF YOUNG CHILDREN: Tonight is the night when wee witches and goblins collect their loot. Please supervise them so they'll be safe. Happy Halloween, everyone! -- ABBY