DEAR ABBY: I'm a divorced "empty nester" who would like to meet a nice man to spend time with. I'm attractive, slim and active.
A year and a half ago I was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. I have excellent medical care and my doctor is optimistic. She told me she has treated many women who have survived 10 years and are still doing fine. I intend to do everything in my power to be one of those women.
I have tried meeting men on the Internet or through groups I belong to. I explain on the first date about my health issues because I don't want anyone to think I'm dishonest. Unfortunately, several men I would have liked to see again told me flat-out that they "can't deal with the cancer thing."
I don't want to spend the rest of my life -- however long it may be -- alone. Should I wait to tell a man about my illness until we've seen each other a few times? Or should I continue as I have, and hope I eventually find someone with enough compassion willing to take the chance? -- HEALTHY NOW IN WISCONSIN
DEAR HEALTHY NOW: Compassion? How about someone intelligent enough to grasp that nobody has a guarantee about how long someone will live -- including him? The appropriate time to discuss your medical history is after you have gotten to know someone well enough that you can talk frankly about it, and the relationship is beyond casual. First dates do not fall into that category.
No man who cares about you would ever walk away. And any man who would isn't worth having, so consider yourself lucky.