DEAR ABBY: I recently married a wonderful man, and I like my in-laws very much. They're nice, welcoming people and we get along well. There's just one problem: They are the biggest enablers I have ever met!
With my husband it isn't a big deal because he's very self-sufficient. On the other hand, his 30-year-old brother has lived with them for three years. He is jobless and has a drinking problem. His parents don't encourage him to look for work. They give him an allowance, pay all his court costs and drive him around because he got a DUI. They even pay his cellphone bill.
What is my place in all of this? Should I say anything? My fear is that when my husband's parents die, his brother will become our problem. -- LOOKING AHEAD IN COLORADO
DEAR LOOKING AHEAD: Don't say anything to your husband's parents. The pattern they are following is one that was set long ago, and nothing you can say will change it. It may, however, cause serious hard feelings.
The person you should talk to is your husband, so that well in advance of his parents' demise, you will be in agreement about his brother finally taking responsibility for himself or suffering the consequences of his actions.