DEAR ABBY: I'm engaged and being married soon. I have always had very close non-romantic relationships with males. I was raised around guys, so it's natural for me.
People told me that when I fell in love with someone it would be easier to let my male friendships fall by the wayside. This hasn't been the case.
These friendships are the ones I prefer now more than ever. The conversations are better. I find men more emotionally stable than women. They also let me talk without interrupting to give their opinions as women do.
I love my fiance dearly and he has been incredibly understanding about this, but I can tell it upsets him. I have been known to talk all night with friends, especially when I'm overwhelmed. My fiance is hurt that I don't come to him with these issues, but he's in medical school and has his own stress.
Do I need to eliminate these friendships that come so naturally to me for the sake of my husband-to-be? Is it inappropriate for me to have close male friends after I'm married? -- PREFERS MEN
DEAR PREFERS MEN: Why are you presenting the issue as all or nothing? It's not. Nor is it inappropriate for you to keep close male friendships after you marry -- because that has been your lifelong practice.
However, I do think some behavior modification is in order. The first thing you should do is cut out the all-night dump sessions with these men.
For one thing, the man you marry should be your best friend and the person you go to first to express your concerns when you're overwhelmed. This is part of intimacy, and he may be feeling hurt and shut out because you are denying that to him.
For another, he may have concerns of his own that he'd like to discuss with you. Being on the phone all night talking to someone else is really neglectful of the man you love.