DEAR ABBY: My daughter has given me permission to resume communication with my grandson, "Justin." She has kept us apart since he was 3. Justin is now 17.
I have been told by the other grandparents that Justin holds no animosity toward me. He knows I have never given up hope that one day we could reunite. Because of my daughter's unpredictable temperament and her use of my grandson as a way to control me, I'm leery and don't trust her to keep the door open between us. I'm afraid she'll slam it shut again.
What steps should I take? Justin turns 18 next year and his mom plans to "move without him, once he's 18." Should I contact him now or wait until he reaches 18? I am tired and all cried out, but I want to do the right thing for my grandson's mental health, given the craziness his mother has created. -- LOVING, LONGING GRANDMA
DEAR GRANDMA: Write your grandson a sweet note and inform him that his mother has given "permission" for you to make contact with him. Ask him to call you, so he can begin getting to know you. Find out what his plans are, and invite him to visit. However, do this slowly -- because you still don't know how much damage your daughter's "unpredictable temperament" has done in the formation of his personality and character. Proceed with your eyes wide open.
Because it appears your daughter wants to abandon her son as soon as she legally is able to, he will need all of the caring and supportive relatives he can find.