DEAR ABBY: Is it wrong to answer a question with a question? -- CURIOUS IN K.C.
DEAR CURIOUS: Why do you ask?
DEAR ABBY: Is it wrong to answer a question with a question? -- CURIOUS IN K.C.
DEAR CURIOUS: Why do you ask?
DEAR ABBY: I'm writing for advice on friendship. There is a person who insists we are "best friends." She calls every day to gossip and get into people's business, including mine. We are grown women and I find this childish.
I am a loner. I don't like too many people in my space, but I don't want to hurt her feelings. I just want her to get a life. I'm married; she's single. We have nothing in common, in my opinion, and she tries to keep up with my every move. If I don't answer the phone at home, she calls me at work.
Help me tell this person, without being hurtful and rude, that I like her but I want to have a normal adult relationship with her. I have other close friends, but I don't have to call or talk to them every day to maintain our friendship. -- INFRINGED UPON IN MISSISSIPPI
DEAR INFRINGED UPON: The woman may be trying to live vicariously through you, which is why she's calling daily and pumping you for information. Tell her that phone calls at work are distracting, so please don't call you there.
She should also be told that while you like her, the closeness she craves has become claustrophobic and is making you uncomfortable, so to please limit her calls to one or two a week. If you do not set boundaries, you can't expect her to observe them.
DEAR ABBY: I know a fairly well-to-do couple who, after living together for a while, have decided to get married. I went to their online wedding registry to select something for them and was stunned to see that several of the items they had on there were pricey items for their cats. Is this the status quo these days, or is it just plain bad taste?
I chose to put money toward another item, but now I'm wondering if it will go where it was directed -- and not to the cats. It was also suggested that I provide an email address so that an e-card of thanks might be sent.
Abby, you keep telling your readers that times have changed. I reluctantly guess we need to resign ourselves to the emails, but what is your take on the gift suggestions? -- OFFENDED WEDDING GUEST IN NEW YORK
DEAR OFFENDED: The couple you mentioned may have most (or all) of the household items they need. While the request for something for their pets instead of themselves is somewhat unusual, no rule of etiquette forbids it. The object is to give something they can use, and I'm having trouble understanding why you find their request offensive.
I do, however, take exception to the idea of a generic, mass mailing being used to acknowledge wedding gifts rather than an individual thank you. If that's what they're planning, it seems more of an impersonal "shrug" than an actual expression of gratitude.
DEAR ABBY: A woman at work wears flip-flops every day. The sound of her walking is extremely annoying, to the point where I get a headache every day. The boss says her footwear is fine. Any advice? Thanks. -- FOOTSTEPS IN OHIO
DEAR FOOTSTEPS: If the boss says her footwear is fine, then you're out of luck. Wear earplugs, use aspirin as directed and pray for an early winter.
DEAR ABBY: I started dating my boyfriend a month ago. On our third date he informed me that he was previously married. It lasted two years and he has been divorced for almost a year. It didn't bother me, so I let it go.
He introduced me to his two roommates -- one of them is female. After spending a day with them, I noticed he had an odd relationship with her. When I asked him about it later, he said she's his ex-wife. They live together and share basically everything, including groceries and a laptop. He can't seem to understand why I'm disturbed by this.
He says the decision to divorce was mutual and that they have both been seeing other people for a while. I adore him and hate to end a fantastic relationship because I'm jealous. I have no life experience to prepare me to handle this sort of situation, so I don't know what to do. Help! -- TAKEN ABACK IN PITTSBURGH
DEAR TAKEN ABACK: Sometimes when a person doesn't know what to do, the best thing to do is -- nothing. Your relationship is very new. Stay calm and see how it develops. If you both decide to take it to the next level, the living arrangements may change to something you're more comfortable with.
DEAR ABBY: My 70-something-year-old mother is being remarried soon. I'm happy she has found love again after my father's passing. Several of her friends are throwing her a lingerie shower to celebrate. Abby, I am uncomfortable attending this party.
I asked that she exclude me from the list, but yesterday I received an invitation. Hooray! She has a new life which involves new love. I just don't want to think of my mother in that role. Am I wrong to not want to attend? -- THEY GROW UP SO FAST
DEAR T.G.U.S.F.: You're not wrong. While most of us are aware that we did not arrive via immaculate conception, few of us want to dwell on the reality of our parents as sexual beings. Because you have already told your mother how you feel, simply respond to the invitation by saying you are unable to attend.
DEAR ABBY: I often read letters in your column you refer to as "Pennies From Heaven." I have something I'd like to share with you.
I believe that I have received such gifts from my older brother, Shane, who passed away as an infant. I found one the other day that can't be explained away as anything but a penny from heaven.
As I was about to leave for my morning commute to work, I went out to the garage where I keep my bike, helmet and biking gloves. As I pulled my glove on, I found -- you guessed it! -- a penny was lodged in the little finger. I never keep money where these gloves are, so I can only guess that Shane put it there for me. -- LOVED LITTLE SISTER IN INDIANA
DEAR LOVED LITTLE SISTER: The penny may indeed have been a token of your angel brother's affection. Keep it for luck while you're on the road, and pedal on with confidence knowing you're being lovingly watched over from above.
DEAR ABBY: My friend was at a local event, a child's graduation. There was a woman whose rear end was exposed sitting in the row ahead. Several people took pictures and posted them on Facebook.
My concern is for the woman's family. My friend couldn't think of an easy way to tell her. My question is, how do you tactfully tell someone about her (or his) exposed buttocks without offending the person? -- JUST ASKING IN ILLINOIS
DEAR JUST ASKING: The person who designed low-rise pants for women, frankly, should be taken to the stocks for public punishment. They flatter no one, particularly when the wearer bends or sits. If it's not the flesh dropping over the waistband, it's the Great Rift Valley visible from the rear.
Robert Burns, a Scottish poet, wrote in 1786 (I am paraphrasing) that if some power would give us the gift to see ourselves as others see us, it would free us from "many a blunder"! How right he was.
Had your friend informed the woman in the row ahead that her pants had slipped so low that people were photographing the view, she probably would have been less offended than embarrassed. The message should have been conveyed quietly by another woman if one felt enough compassion to do it.
DEAR ABBY: I was married for 22 years. My husband was verbally, mentally and emotionally abusive to me. I took it for my kids' sake.
My daughter recently had a son, and my ex wants nothing to do with him. He says if we don't name the baby after him, the baby doesn't need him in his life. My heart hurts for my grandson. My daughter is not with the baby's daddy. All the baby has is my daughter, my son and me. I don't know how a grandparent can't want to be a part of an innocent baby's life.
My ex is 45 and living with a 23-year-old. I just want him to at least give the baby a chance to know who his grandfather is. If there is no love there when they meet, we won't pursue a relationship. He is upset with me. I don't know why, because he's the one who asked for the divorce. What do you think about this? -- CONFUSED IN PHOENIX
DEAR CONFUSED: Your ex-husband may be upset with you because he feels some guilt about the divorce, and rather than accept it, he is blaming you for it.
If you think this baby might somehow smooth over the years of abuse you experienced from him, please forget it. It is perfectly logical that your daughter wouldn't want to name her child for him after witnessing what he put you through for so many years -- so please don't let her be coerced into it.
Because your ex is the kind of person he is, it would be better for all of you if the little boy doesn't get to know him. You married a self-centered, selfish, controlling individual. Consider yourself lucky that he's not pushing for involvement, because if that happens he will continue to treat all of you exactly the way he used to.