DEAR ABBY: I'd like to respond to "Where the Boys Aren't" (May 26). We're right here every day, lady, working in the same building, going to the same functions, eating at the same diners and attending the same churches. But we don't measure up to the standards you have set.
You can find us after work at sports bars with friends having a beer, early morning weekends on the lake or stream fishing, kicking back watching a game on TV or working on a hot rod or motorcycle like the one we had -- or wanted -- in high school. We are not on a cruise, at the mall, upscale bar or wine tasting. In short, we're not doing what you like to do. Think about the guy you were married to who had to be dragged or nagged to the outings you enjoy.
You want to find a guy in your age range? That's easy. Step back, be honest and really look at yourself. How do you act, dress, talk? Would you date you? Do you measure up to the standards you have set for the right guy? If there's something you would change, then change it. Take the time to see who he is, what he enjoys and remember, he's not going to change, and if he did, he wouldn't be what you wanted anyway. -- CONTENT, SECURE, SINGLE 58-YEAR-OLD MAN
DEAR SINGLE MAN: Thank you for taking the time to write. Apparently, these ladies need to find new hunting grounds. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I had to chuckle at "Where the Boys Aren't." Most guys would pay handsomely for the addresses of the clubs where women go to meet men. What is "Where" doing that prevents her from meeting all the men she wants? My guess is she doesn't walk up and introduce herself. She doesn't grasp that dating rules get reversed at some point. She's hoping to be swept off her feet like a schoolgirl.
My advice to older women is to stop hanging out in escape literature and move over to the magazine rack. After a certain age, even sex won't sell itself like it used to. Drive your own car and, if you plan to stay after the introductions, buy your own drinks. Arrive in pairs only with an agreement to split up if opportunity knocks. And remember, going to expensive bars will only net you a higher class of bum.
"Where" has repeatedly failed Dating 101. There's hardly a middle-aged guy in America who would turn down a woman who offered him a pizza, a cold beer and a quiet Friday night at home. I'd even help with the dishes. But everything about her spells hidden agenda! -- NAMELESS IN FLORIDA
DEAR ABBY: We're all at the gym burning off that 40-year-old fat. -- LAWRENCE IN MAINE
DEAR ABBY: I can speak only for myself. Yes, I am at home watching bad cable TV -- not because I want to, but because some of us choose to be here for our elderly parents. We're not out and about except to take our mothers on errands, our dads for haircuts and both for medical appointments, on top of managing their finances and looking after their home.
Guess what? Society looks down on us because we have put their needs ahead of ours. We might not be at the typical social events, but we're out there. The next time you see a middle-aged man with a little old lady in the grocery store, bump into his cart and you might find a nice, lonely guy like me. -- TONY IN CONNECTICUT
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)