DEAR ABBY: I live in a different state from the one where I grew up. Twice a week I call my elderly parents to touch base. While I enjoy speaking with Dad, my mother turns these calls into a trial.
Conversations with her are one-sided. She rarely asks me how I'm doing, and when I tell her things, she ignores or quickly glosses over my news and redirects the subject to herself. She rambles on about trivial events in her life, barely acknowledging me on the other end of the line.
Some days I am patient and tolerate it. On others, my fuse is shorter and I ask her to focus more on conversing with me, which offends her, and she accuses me of being rude.
I am an interesting, successful man who is frustrated my mother can't connect with me more meaningfully. I don't see my parents often and would like to be part of their lives. Mom is not by nature a generous person, but the telephone seems to magnify her self-absorption and lack of curiosity. Do you have any thoughts on how to handle her? -- LISTENING BUT NOT HEARD
DEAR LISTENING: Yes. It appears that you are seeking validation from your mother that you may have never received from her. It's regrettable, but at her stage of life, you are not going to change her. She may be rambling because few people are willing to tolerate her self-centeredness. On the days you are feeling more patient, let her ramble on; on those that you don't feel that way, keep the conversation upbeat but brief.