DEAR ABBY: My 37-year-old son, "Dave," has two children, a daughter who is 18 and a son who is 10. He's a single parent.
Until she was 15, my granddaughter, "Nicole," was the perfect child. Then she started getting into trouble, stopped going to school, ran away repeatedly and caused our entire family a great deal of stress. She was arrested at 17 for credit card fraud and was caught soliciting.
Dave has decided he never wants to see Nicole again because of her actions. He has given me an ultimatum. Either I have him in my life or I have her, but not both. He doesn't even want me to talk to her on the phone. He says that Nicole "killed a part of him" by doing everything she did, and me talking to her would be like talking to my son's murderer.
Please tell me what you think. I understand how hurt my son is and don't want to hurt him further, but I don't think he should tell me what I can do. -- FLORIDA GRANDMA
DEAR GRANDMA: I agree with you. Your son may have written Nicole off, but he does not have the right to dictate that you must do the same. You may see and speak to whomever you wish, and that includes the granddaughter you obviously love. However, by maintaining contact with her, there may be a steep price to pay, not only because it may estrange you from your son, but also because your granddaughter is a deeply troubled girl.