DEAR ABBY: My spouse, "Jack," and I were married four years ago. Three years ago he made me choose between him and my then 7-year-old son. I haven't spoken to or seen my son for three years. Not having my child in my life has made me become depressed, but I keep it bottled up inside.
Jack has three children -- all adults. We rarely see them. I brought two children into our marriage, ages 7 and 14. Jack says he doesn't want to be a father or grandfather. (We have three grandchildren.) I am scared to question why it is like this.
Am I a terrible mother/grandmother? Does this mean he doesn't really love me since my children are a part of me? I want to be a grandmother and enjoy my grandchildren. He knew I had kids when we were dating, but both of them lived with relatives at the time because of custody issues. -- SAD GRANDMA IN ARIZONA
DEAR SAD GRANDMA: It isn't that Jack doesn't love you. He appears to be so preoccupied with his own needs, desires and controlling you that he probably doesn't think about much else. That you are "scared" to question him speaks volumes about your relationship.
If you want to be a part of your children's and grandchildren's lives, you will have to do so without his blessing or participation. You will also have to strengthen your backbone and emancipate yourself.