TO MY CHRISTIAN READERS: Happy Easter, one and all!
Vietnam Vet Can't Find Words to Acknowledge Public Thanks
DEAR ABBY: My husband served in Vietnam and proudly wears a Vietnam veteran insignia on his jacket or cap everywhere he goes. People approach him all the time and thank him for his service, which is wonderful. The big question is, how should he respond? He isn't quite sure what to say back to them -- "You're welcome"? "It was my honor to serve"? "Thank you for caring"?
I'm not sure of the right response, either. So I told my husband I'd ask you. What's the proper thing to say when someone is kind enough to take a minute and say thanks? -- VET'S WIFE IN PHOENIX
DEAR VET'S WIFE: I'm sure being thanked for his service in Vietnam is music to your husband's ears. When members of the military returned from Vietnam, many of them were treated with hostility. A proper response when someone thanks him for his service would be any of those you offered, or a simple, "Thanks for saying that. I appreciate it."
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have dear friends who live in another country. They also have a vacation home in a very nice part of the U.S. They have often invited us to use their vacation place while they're away, since it stands empty 11 months of the year.
I have hesitated in the past because I know we would use utilities and it would be of some expense to them. They are insistent that they will not let us pay for the use.
We would love to spend some time there. Is there anything we could do to show our appreciation without paying them? -- APPRECIATIVE, BUT ...
DEAR APPRECIATIVE: Yes. After spending time in their vacation home, write a letter thanking them and describing the experience. Consider sending them an album of photographs you took during your vacation there, or buy a gift for their vacation home. That way you will have repaid them without "paying" them.
DEAR ABBY: My little sister is almost 12. She has been having a lot of behavior problems. I thought it was the stupid videos she watches that made her act like that, but she's getting worse.
One night, her mood was terrible and I noticed she was texting. So while she slept I took her cellphone and started reading the messages. Her texts were about her being a skank, drunk, sexually active, depressed, cutting herself and moving away soon. No one in the family knows or would ever allow this.
I feel the right thing to do is to tell our parents, but I don't want to make the situation worse. Her behavior and attitude stress us out, and her "friends" are the wrong crowd for her. I know it was bad for me to invade her privacy, but something needs to be done. What can I do? -- SISTER WHO CARES IN TEXAS
DEAR CARING SISTER: Tell your parents what you have learned. Your sister's behavior problems and angry or depressed mood must have been noticed by them as well as you. Ask them not to reveal that you looked at the messages, but to insist on some answers from her until they get to the bottom of what's happening. If even half of what your sister is writing and receiving is true, she is headed for serious trouble and is overdue for an intervention.
Discovery of Dad's Secret Life Can't Be Kept Quiet
DEAR ABBY: I am a teenager who has recently discovered that my dad has been having sexually explicit conversations with women online for at least 10 years. He is usually withdrawn from the rest of the family, and I strongly suspect it's because he cares more about his online fantasies than he does about his life with my brothers, my mother and me.
I don't know what to do. I can no longer look him in the eye. I don't respect him; I pity him. I'm afraid to tell anyone in my family because of the drama it will cause, and don't want to tell him because I know it will change our relationship. Still, I don't think I can keep this to myself.
I have considered seeing a therapist, but I don't know how I can do that without giving my parents an explanation about why I'm going. What do you think I should do? -- CONFLICTED TEEN IN NEW YORK
DEAR CONFLICTED: You have been exposed to a large dose of information you shouldn't have, and for that you have my sympathy. If you feel you need to discuss this with a therapist, then you definitely should.
As I see it, you have several options. The first would be to talk to a counselor at school and ask if counseling is available that way. If it isn't, then tell your father you need it, and why. And if he refuses, tell your mother everything.
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 23-year-old college junior, double-majoring in English and education. Although I am pretty advanced in my degree field, I'm having second thoughts about my decision. Every day it seems as if I invest all my time and energy into something I don't even want to be a part of.
I have a very adventurous spirit. I want to constantly be doing, going and discovering. Part of me says I'm an adult and I should ignore the explorer part of me. But it's hard to say that change isn't possible because we're talking the rest of my life. How can I connect passion with occupation -- especially at this stage of the game? -- GYPSY SOUL
DEAR GYPSY SOUL: By thinking out of the box. There are various options in the field of education, and one of them is teaching English in foreign countries. Start looking for opportunities in that area, and you may be able to also fulfill your urge for adventure. Another option that comes to mind would be joining the Peace Corps or Teach for America. Please consider what I am suggesting and do some research on your own.
DEAR ABBY: Is it ever proper to wear your napkin tucked into your shirt collar when dining out, instead of placing it on your lap? Traditionally, a napkin is placed on the lap to prevent soiling of the clothing, I would guess. But some plus-sized folks and women with large bustlines don't usually have food reach their laps, just their shirts. So what do you think? -- JUST WONDERING IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR JUST WONDERING: Your napkin belongs in your lap when dining out, regardless of what size you are. According to Emily Post, "an exception can be made for the elderly or infirm." So if you are neither of those, consider carrying a stain remover "pen" with you in case there is a slip twixt the fork and the lip.
Wife on the Road Grows Uneasy With Man's Bar Hopping Habits
DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Dan," and I are in our early 30s and have been married five years. He's bright, sweet, outgoing and very good-looking. He is in excellent shape and works out at the gym daily.
Dan has become friendly with a group of men at the gym. Like him, they are all good-looking and in tip-top shape. They are also gay. One guy in particular, "Harry," has become quite close to my husband. He often jokes about "recruiting" Dan and comments on Dan's popularity with "the boys."
My work requires that I travel frequently, and Dan has been going out with Harry to gay bars where he gets "hit on" often. I can tell he likes the attention. I should also mention that Dan seems to be considerably less interested in sex lately.
I hate to think of my husband alone and lonely while I'm away, but his going to gay bars every night is beginning to worry me. If I say anything to him about it, he guilt-trips me about my travel.
Is it normal for a straight man to seek out the company of gay men? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. -- GAY-FRIENDLY IN N.Y.C.
DEAR GAY-FRIENDLY: It is unusual for a straight man to frequent gay bars. But would you feel better if Dan was going to straight bars every night and being hit on by women while you're away?
Your greater concern, in my opinion, should be his change in pattern of behavior. If Dan is less interested in sex with you than he has been, then you need to find out why. I have always favored the direct approach. The person you should be discussing this with is your husband. When you do, be frank but not accusatory, and do not allow him to divert the conversation by making you feel guilty about your business travel.
DEAR ABBY: I'm moving soon from Florida to New York. I have a 16-year-old Chihuahua named Pedro who is not in good health. I'm torn about what to do. Should I take him with me, or have him put to sleep? I am an animal lover and have always had pets, but this is the first time I have ever had this problem.
I'm renting a truck and will be driving up to New York. Some say the stress will be too much for Pedro. He's a little fighter, but at his age, I don't know how he will handle cold weather. He has lived in Florida his whole life. What do you think? I'm asking everyone's opinion. -- LEAVING THE SUNSHINE STATE
DEAR LEAVING: You say Pedro is a fighter -- well, give him a fighting chance. He could surprise you and make it through next winter and several after that. However, although you are asking "everyone's" opinion, the one that should carry the most weight is Pedro's veterinarian.
DEAR ABBY: My family has been having a debate over the issue of how the name "Jeanne" is pronounced. They think it is pronounced "Jean-nee," while I am certain it's pronounced the same as "Jean." Could you please help us with the correct pronunciation? -- A DOVER, N.H., READER
DEAR READER: The name "Jeanne" can be pronounced either way, depending upon the Jeanne's preference. In my case, it has always been pronounced "Jean-nee."
However, if the name-caller is French, it might be pronounced "J'ahne," with a very soft "J" -- like Zsa-Zsa.
TO MY JEWISH READERS: A happy Passover, everyone!