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by Abigail Van Buren

Woman Looking for Decent Guy Should Take Friend's Advice

DEAR ABBY: When I was 25 I placed a baby girl for adoption. I made a decision I thought was best for her and for me. I am 50 now and still believe I made the right decision.

Last year she searched for and found me. I answered all her questions and eventually met with her and her parents. By all accounts she has a wonderful family and had a great childhood. We have stayed in touch through email.

She wanted to meet my family, but I put her off for months. Eventually I gave in, and she met some of my siblings and their families. She and her "cousins" get along well and stay in touch through Facebook or other social sites.

Abby, I feel nothing toward this girl. There is no maternal attachment. I did my job as a good mother and made sure she had the home I could not give her. If I never see her again it wouldn't bother me.

I have looked online for other women who feel as I do, but all I find are women in constant pain and sorrow over a child they gave up. I can't be the only woman who feels this way. I'm not looking for a way to change my feelings. I just need to know I'm not a cold-hearted freak. -- FINE WITH MY DECISION

DEAR FINE: You are not a cold-hearted freak. You're a woman who never bonded with her baby. Please stop beating yourself up for not feeling something for a person who is a virtual stranger. When I hear from other women who read this letter and who feel as you do -- please notice I didn't say "if" I hear from them -- I will share their thoughts with you. You have not been able to find a group online because they are not looking for support from others.