DEAR ABBY: I was born in a small Midwestern town in the mid-1960s. An out-of-wedlock pregnancy then was a huge scandal, so my mother married someone who wasn't my father and my biological father vanished. I found out about it at 17 (not from her) and was told the name she claimed belonged to him. It's a very unique name.
I believe I have located him. Part of me wants to contact him -- not to get anything, just to let him know I exist. Allegedly, Mom told him she was pregnant and he refused to marry her, but her truthfulness leaves much to be desired. I haven't been able to find his email address, but I have found a street address.
I'm not sure if I should contact him or not. Would it be too much of a disruption to hear from a daughter he wanted nothing to do with 45 years ago? I don't want to upset him or cause problems in his life, but I need some closure. -- SOMEBODY'S CHILD IN ILLINOIS
DEAR SOMEBODY'S CHILD: It may not be a disruption, but it is certain to be a surprise. This would be easier if your mother's word was reliable, but you must work with what you have.
Write the man a letter explaining what you have told me, assuring him you want nothing from him, and giving him the details of your life, including your contact information. Send it by certified mail and request verification of delivery. Then cross your fingers that you have the right man, and that if he is, he has enough character to respond.