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by Abigail Van Buren

Controlling Pet Population Should Be as Easy as Pie

DEAR ABBY: I have been married 35 years. The children are grown and on their own now. I am healthy, but find I have absolutely no interest in my spouse -- sexual or otherwise. Habits of his that I overlooked in earlier years really turn me off now.

Don't say "get counseling." I don't want to become close or intimate with him again. I'm not the type to cheat, so I guess I'll just be thankful for the good years I had with my young children.

I have chosen to stay in this marriage so my children and grandchildren won't have to split time visiting. After so many years, staying is just easier. Has anyone ever written to you with a similar situation? -- UNFULFILLED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR UNFULFILLED: Yes, usually after the crisis that happened because the woman's husband felt abandoned and looked elsewhere for the caring and affection he wasn't receiving at home.

The relationship you have described isn't a marriage; it's an "arrangement." If this is what you and your husband are willing to settle for in order to spare your children and grandchildren the inconvenience of visiting you separately, then you both have my sympathy.