DEAR ABBY: My husband died 13 years ago. Since then I have pretty much lost everything, except the grief. Recently it occurred to me that I have some photographs his siblings and nieces might like copies of.
I don't want them to know where I live -- in a battered old trailer -- because I'm ashamed. They are all well-to-do and never seemed to like me. No one has spoken to me since my husband's death.
I don't want it to seem like I'm expecting anything in return because I'm not, nor do I want to see them socially. I know I don't fit in with them. I'd just like to do something nice since we all loved him. From experience I think they'll find some way to misinterpret or misunderstand the gesture. I'll be hurt and, added to the depression and grief, I don't think I could handle it. What do you advise? -- MISSING MY MAN IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR MISSING YOUR MAN: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your husband. You have given me four valid reasons not to reach out to your husband's family, the most important of which is that if you get another round of rejection from them it will crush you. That's why I advise against it.
Because they haven't spoken to you or included you in 13 years, on top of the fact you never felt accepted in the first place (your words) -- the healthy thing for you to do is to keep your distance. However, because in all this time you have been unable to finish your grieving process, I urge you to consider grief counseling.