DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have hosted a holiday party for our neighbors every year for the last 10 years. Over time, we have invited more and more people, and we enjoy almost everyone. However, one of our neighbors, "Jim," is very rude. For the past several years he has taken it upon himself to invite several people to our party who he feels should be on the list. These are people we purposely did not invite.
Last year we decided not to invite Jim, but after he sent multiple emails demanding to know the date and time, we reluctantly invited him. He then had the nerve to send out an email to dozens of people he thought we had missed on the guest list, notifying them of the party. This really embarrassed my husband and me.
How can I tell him it's not his party, and how do we deal with the situation with the folks we did not initially invite but now know about the party? -- IT'S OUR PARTY
DEAR PARTY: There is more than one way to handle this. The most obvious would be to inform Jim that he won't be invited this year and tell him why. He is every host's nightmare, and his behavior is beyond nervy. A host must know how many guests to prepare for in order to ensure there will be enough food and beverages for everyone.
Another way would be to forgo giving the party for a year or two and perhaps take a short vacation. Tell anyone who asks why that the gatherings became too large to manage. And then, when you resume entertaining, limit the guest list to something more intimate than a casting call for "American Idol."
One thing is certain: If you continue to tolerate what's been happening, your hospitality will continue to be abused.