DEAR ABBY: It's a second marriage for my husband and me. Our children are all adults, and we all try to get along. My stepdaughter, "Sharon," has invited us for Thanksgiving weekend and insists that we be her houseguests. As sweet as she is, she and her family live in a borderline "hoarder" home.
The last time we visited our hometown, we stopped by to see them. After a struggle to get the front door open, Sharon's first words were, "We know it's a mess. We don't clean or cook." When we returned to our car, my husband said he had never seen a house that filthy. But he insists we accept their invitation and not hurt their feelings.
I'd rather get a motel room and take them out to dinner. I have strongly voiced my concerns for our safety and health to my husband. How can I address the subject of needing clean sheets and being able to cook a meal, and getting to the (dirty) bathroom during the night? I'm already having anxiety issues. -- HAVING NIGHTMARES IN TENNESSEE
DEAR HAVING NIGHTMARES: I sympathize with your husband's desire not to cause hurt feelings, but the invitation for you to be houseguests under these circumstances is not practical.
Sharon should be told that you are a very private person and you would not feel comfortable getting up in the middle of the night and flushing a toilet; therefore you would be more at ease in a motel.
If her kitchen and eating areas are "filthy" (your husband's word), you should not eat in her house, either. Your husband should cheerfully assert his role as the patriarch and insist on taking the family out for Thanksgiving dinner. How can she argue? After all, "Father knows best!"