DEAR ABBY: I have recently become engaged. I have been planning this day since I was a little girl. My problem is my mother. She's a little bit of a control freak. She plans to pay for the wedding -- which is nice and I appreciate it -- but at the same time I feel like she's ignoring my plans and substituting hers. Every time I tell her what I'd like, she tries to persuade me to do what she wants.
I even tried once being rude and telling her that she has had four weddings and this one is mine, but she got defensive when I tried to be frank with her. I feel like nothing I suggest is good enough. I don't want to spoil this for her because I'm her only daughter, but I don't want her spoiling it for me because HOPEFULLY this will be my only wedding. -- LOSING PATIENCE IN LOUISIANA
DEAR LOSING PATIENCE: This may not be what you would like me to say, but as long as your mother is footing the bills for your wedding, she will have some say in the planning. If you prefer to make this a one-woman production -- and that's your privilege -- thank her warmly for her generous offer and tell her you can't accept it, and that you will be planning and paying for your wedding yourself.