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by Abigail Van Buren

Woman Who Settled Now Wants Something More

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Daryl" for 10 years. He has never really hit the mark in what I want -- someone who is mature, stable, predictable and has an appropriate perspective on life. Daryl depends on the outside world to make him feel good about himself, and when that doesn't happen, he drinks and smokes pot.

I love exercise and the outdoors. He doesn't like hiking. In fact, he's afraid to challenge himself physically in even the smallest way.

I have to decide whether to stay and "make do" or move on. How do I make that choice? (I'm over 40.) -- LOOKING FOR BETTER, LAGUNA HILLS, CALIF.

DEAR LOOKING: Tell your husband what you have told me. That will give him a chance to shape up and at least try to be more of the man you thought you married. (I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt and not assuming you felt you were compromising when you accepted his proposal.) Daryl deserves to spend his life with someone who values him for who he is, not someone who feels she's "making do." If it doesn't work, then you should both move on.

Read more in: Marriage & Divorce