DEAR ABBY: I am 29 and met my birth mother last month for the first time. She abandoned two other children besides me. "Angie" is an alcoholic and has cirrhosis of the liver. When I met her she was in rehab and had been sober for two weeks. The day after she was released she was rearrested for driving with a revoked license. The following day she was arrested for DUI.
It's obvious that my birth mother has a major addiction, and my heart breaks for her because she has no support system. Should I reach out and help her or continue on with my life? My friends and family are afraid I'll get hurt, but it's hard to sit back and do nothing. Any words of wisdom will help. -- CONFUSED AND TORN IN ST. LOUIS
DEAR CONFUSED AND TORN: Before involving yourself any further with Angie, take some time to visit Al-Anon (listed in your phone directory) and Adult Children of Alcoholics (adultchildren.org). That you want to help her is laudable, but it's important that you fully understand what you're letting yourself in for if you do.
Much as you might wish to, you cannot "fix" other people -- only they can do that. The Serenity Prayer from AA says it clearly: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." It applies to you.