TO MY ASIAN READERS: This is the Year of the Dragon, a symbol of power and good fortune. Those born in the Year of the Dragon are confident, brave and fearless. A symbol of strength in Asian culture, the dragon once symbolized the emperor of China. I wish a healthy, happy and prosperous New Year to all of you.
Recognizing Signs of Stroke Can Help Save Valuable Time
DEAR ABBY: I'm writing this because I hope you will tell your readers to learn the signs of a stroke. I wish I had known.
I was visiting my grandma seven years ago. During dinner she had a stroke. I knew something was wrong, but wasn't sure what it was. My sister and I asked her if she wanted to go to the hospital, but she said no. We respected her wishes and didn't insist. We finally took her two days later.
Abby, my grandmother never spoke again. She spent her last seven years aware of what she wanted to say, but unable to say it. The guilt I carry is hard to live with.
Please tell your readers to make sure they know the signs of a stroke and to remember that while most people don't want to go to the hospital, the first three hours after a stroke are critical. If you suspect that your loved one is having a stroke, get that person to a hospital fast, even if they don't want to go! You can't take back the damage a stroke causes.
My grandmother is gone now and I miss her terribly. She was a loving grandparent, and I hope she'll forgive me. -- MISSING HER IN UTAH
DEAR MISSING HER: What happened to your grandmother was tragic, but you were no more at fault than the millions of others who are also unaware of the signs of stroke. In your grandmother's memory, I'll describe them.
The most common stroke symptoms are: sudden numbness or weakness of the face, arm or leg -- especially on one side of the body. Sudden confusion, trouble speaking or understanding. Sudden trouble seeing in one or both eyes. Sudden trouble walking, dizziness, loss of balance or coordination. Sudden severe headache with no known cause.
Other important but common symptoms include: sudden nausea, fever and vomiting -- distinguished from a viral illness by the speed of onset (minutes or hours versus several days). And brief loss of consciousness such as fainting or convulsions.
If you see or have any of these symptoms, call 911! Every minute counts, and treatment can be more effective if it's given quickly.
DEAR ABBY: My 20-year-old goddaughter is pregnant. She is beautiful, smart and talented. Her boyfriend is wonderful to her and they are very happy together. My problem is people who frown on her happiness. I am regularly asked if I'm disappointed in her. My response is usually: "It's unexpected, but we will make the best of it. She and her boyfriend both work and have a great support network and a huge family."
I think it's rude of people to assume that this is bad news. How do I respond to those who are so oblivious? -- OFFENDED AUNT IN SCRANTON, PA.
DEAR OFFENDED: The way you are answering them is appropriate, positive and polite. You need no help from me.
Common Courtesy Turns Drive Through Lane Into Smooth Ride
DEAR ABBY: I hope you can help me pass along some tips on drive-through etiquette to your readers. I work in the fast food industry, and on behalf of my fellow workers, may I dish out the following:
Please have a general idea of what you'd like before you reach the speaker. The corporate office has us on a timer, which starts ticking as soon as you pull up.
Please be patient. We know you're tired of waiting behind the car ahead of you, but we're trying our best to make sure you get quality food.
If you have a large order or a special request, please come inside to order if possible. The people in the car behind you are waiting for their food, too.
Speak clearly (but don't yell!) into the speaker. Also, although it may seem cute to you, I can barely understand your 4-year-old when she asks me for her kiddie meal.
If you can't hear yourself over your car radio, I can't either. But if you're talking on your cellphone or to someone in your vehicle, I can hear you -- and I've heard some wild stuff.
If it's raining, please turn off your windshield wipers before you reach my window. Otherwise, I get splashed.
Finally, please treat me with respect! Yes, I know I "only" work the drive-through at your local burger joint, but you want that burger, don't you? -- WORKING THE WINDOW IN GEORGIA
DEAR WORKING THE WINDOW: I hope your letter will be taken to heart because it deserves to be. Personnel in the food service business often must deal with customers who are less than at their best -- people who are stressed, hungry and more -- but that's no excuse to treat the server rudely. Your suggestions are good ones, to which I would add that "please" and "thank you" are always appreciated.
Now, may I please have a double with extra-crispy fries? Thank you.
DEAR ABBY: I am a single mom raising two kids. I work and also attend college full time. Every day we hear so many stories about what's wrong with the world, it makes it difficult to appreciate the good in society.
Sometimes it's hard for me to make my paycheck stretch throughout the entire week. The other day, I was at the store and had just enough money between my bank card, my cash and loose change to buy a small bottle of laundry detergent. Well, my bank card was declined. Abby, I was mortified. Near tears, I told the cashier to go ahead and cancel my purchase. Just then, the woman behind me set some money on the register to cover it. I thanked her.
This woman, a complete stranger, helped to pick up the slack for someone she may never see again. How many people would do that? I'd like to think it's karma for my having helped others in the past.
I would love you to print this. Maybe she'll see it and know how her kindness helped me to regain trust in a society where bad events usually outweigh the good. You never know when an angel is in your presence -- yet one was standing behind me in a checkout line. -- TOUCHED IN OKLAHOMA
DEAR TOUCHED: I'm glad you wrote, because it gives me a chance to remind folks that while bad events do occur, they do not overshadow the good ones. The problem is that the negative events are the ones that are highlighted in the media because they're attention-grabbers.
There are millions of caring and generous people in this country and one of them was the woman who helped you. It's very possible that someone helped her in a similar situation. Good deeds are like pebbles thrown into a pond. The ripples can spread far beyond the original "splash."
WALLS ARE POOR CONDUCTORS FOR CASUAL CONVERSATIONS
DEAR ABBY: What do you think about people who attempt to converse with you from another room? My boyfriend does it fairly often. He may be on the computer while I'm reading or watching TV, and he'll yell out a question or tell me something. Most of the time I answer him, but then he'll continue the conversation -- all from the other room.
I find it rude, and to be quite honest, disrespectful. I also think it makes no sense because with the TV on it's difficult to hear him. If I want to speak to someone in another room, I get off my "keester" and go directly to him or her. That's common sense. My former roommate used to do the same thing. Do you think this is a "guy thing"? -- CAN'T HEAR IN NEW YORK
DEAR CAN'T HEAR: Nope. It's just lazy. And it continues because you allow it. Tell your boyfriend that if he has something he wants to say to you, he should come and say it. Point out that you give him that respect. And if he "forgets," stay put and don't answer from the other room.
DEAR ABBY: I have a friend with whom I exchange birthday and Christmas gifts. I make a great deal of effort to find things I know she would like, and I have been quite successful. My friend, however, buys me things I suspect she would like for herself.
Example: I'm always hot while she's always chilly. She bought me heavy pajamas and a warm robe for Christmas. I don't like spicy food -- she does. She gave me two large containers of seasoning containing chili pepper. I love to read fiction while she prefers nonfiction. For my birthday I received a book about history.
This kind of exchange has been going on for years, and I don't remember receiving one gift I could really use. What can I say to her? -- PEEVED IN PITTSBURGH
DEAR PEEVED: To say something would be rude. I do have a suggestion, however. On the next gift-giving occasion, give your friend some things you would like. Example: A pretty fan to accessorize a summer dress, a jar of your favorite jam, a novel or two you would enjoy reading -- and then you can agree on a gift exchange. Problem solved.
DEAR ABBY: I have a 2-year-old son, "Seth." His father, "Ray," and I went our separate ways during my pregnancy. He came to see Seth a few times when he was a couple of months old and promised he'd continue, but he didn't follow through. Ray has married since then, and hasn't called to ask about his son. I don't call him either.
He didn't show up for court and the DNA test, so the judge ordered him to pay child support by default, which he has been doing. I don't believe in forcing a man to be a father, and I would never make my son visit him. It is obvious Ray has no interest in his child. I contacted the grandparents and they are just as cold. What do I tell Seth when he asks about his father? -- SOLE PARENT IN ALABAMA
DEAR SOLE PARENT: Tell him the truth. Explain that when he was born, Ray wasn't ready to accept the responsibilities that go along with being a dad -- and that as time has passed, Ray has been unwilling to step forward. As sad as that may be, it would be worse to give your son false information or false hope that his biological father will ever be willing to give him more than the court ordered him to.